“If you want to achieve success beyond your imagination, there is a secret ingredient that all highly successful people have, whether they have ever put a name to it or not. It is that special ability to get their mind in the zone, free from the usual mind-chatter, where they can embody all that they know, and deal with the present moment as it unfolds, without distraction. Having all of your energy and ability available to you, focused on what you are doing right here-right now gives you that edge.”  Dr. Robert Puff

Which aspect(s) of your life, i.e.,  your career, your finances, your marriage, or your family, has the highest priority in terms of your time and attention?  Why?

It is not that we think we can do anything of lasting value by ourselves. Our only power and success come from God.  (2 Cor. 3:5; NLT)

As wellness coaches, Sharon and I frequently talk about wholistic health, wholistic medicine, wholistic healing approaches, wholistic views of the body, etc.  However, the concept of wholistic success was a new one on me when I first heard it this past Sunday morning.  I was watching a video of Dr. Jim Richards (Impact Ministries) from his most recent (10/30/09) Friday night service (see Today’s Link below) when he described the term wholistic success (aka wholistic prosperity).

Richards’ definition of prosperity includes far more than just money.  In addition to the prosperity in finances, his definition embraces prosperity in health, prosperity in relationships, prosperity in ministry or career, etc.

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“Success doesn’t come to you…you go to it.”  Marva Collins

Think of the last time you felt success.  What were the strategies that you used to make that happen?

Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many counselors bring success.  (Prov. 15:22; NLT)

Success can be defined in many ways and means different things to different people.  Success can be pursued on many different fronts, from career to spiritual; to relationships; to marriage — the list is virtually infinite.  With such a diverse set of definitions and objectives of success, is it really possible to define some “universal” keys, i.e., keys that will advance one toward success no matter what the definition or objective?  I believe it is, and would like to end this week’s DG series by giving you what I consider to the six universal keys.

1.  Prayer and commitment
If you believe as we do that prayer changes things (note that I didn’t say that prayer changes God), then you would be hard pressed to ignore the power of prayer when it comes to success on any front.  Similarly, commitment is a must as well.  It’s not success if there aren’t some obstacles to overcome and some barriers to get around or through.  Commitment to stay the course when those obstacles and barriers are encountered is an absolute must.

2.  Focus on the light, not on the darkness
I suppose that might be better said to focus on where you want to go rather than what or where you want to leave, but I like the idea that light attracts and darkness repels and that darkness cannot exist in the presence of light.  But I do believe that success requires you to keep your eye on the goal.

3.  Regular and consistent accountability
Accountability is a powerful concept that can seem to work wonders.  Unfortunately, accountability has been misused to the extent that probably the majority of us are uncomfortable with the idea.  But the support, encouragement, and motivation that accountability can supply is virtually required for success.

4.  Be satisfied with small steps
Too often we’re overwhelmed or discouraged when we look at a goal.  Too big…too far…too costly, etc.  We tend to forget that a few small steps toward that goal each day or each week will will ultimately reach the goal.  Breaking the goal into smaller, easy to accomplish steps is an important strategy for success.

5.  Reframe failure as learning.
The word failure is so misunderstood in our culture.  How many times does a toddler fail while learning to walk?  How about when they grow a little and learn to ride a two-wheeler?  Maybe it’s expectations, but failure is almost encouraged when young people are learning new skills, because those around them can see that it shows that they are trying and will ultimately succeed.  Somewhere as we grow older, failure takes on a finality that usually translates to “quit.”  Every failure should be viewed as providing information on what not to do, which makes the decision about what should be done that much easier to find.

6.  Surround yourself with like-minded friends
It’s been said many times that you take on characteristics of your five or six closest friends.  “Birds of a feather flock together.”  You want to be around people who either have already attained what you’re after or are clearly on the road to getting it and who are ahead of you.  The encouragement and possibly instruction and insight will prove to be critical to your progress.

So that’s my list.  As I look it over, each one could be a DG or two.  Hmmmmm…maybe that’s where I’ll go in the next week or so.  In the meantime, make yourself a very successful weekend.  Blessings!!!

Prayer Power
Father, we thank You that You have created us and programmed us for success and not for failure.  Be a lamp at our feet as we move toward our goal.

Link of the Day
What is Success and How Do We Achieve It?

Blessings to you as you apply the above six keys to success.

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.” – Shunryo Suzuki-Roshi

What was the last occasion that led you to say, “Been there, done that, got the tee-shirt?”

A wise person is hungry for truth, while the fool feeds on trash.  (Prov. 15:14; NLT)

Epitaph for the average man or woman:  John Average Man.  Born 1900.  Died 1940.  Buried 1983.  Think about it…how many over 40 John Averages have you encountered?  Some die even earlier.  Some die when they graduate from college.  Some when they graduate from High School.  You’ve probably figured out that I’m not talking about physical death here, but instead, emotional, spiritual, or mental death.

You see, you’re either growing or you’re dying.  If you refuse to grow because you’ve “been there, done that,”  or because you’re tired of learning, or any of a thousand other reasons (aka excuses), you’re dead!  Oh, you might still be taking more than your fair share of room on the planet or breathing more than your fair share of air, but you’re dead nevertheless.

The last character trait of The Compassionate Samurai covered by Brian Klemmer in his latest book is Knowledge, or a constant eagerness to learn.  I’ve heard it said that the instant you decide you know something, you stop learning.  Contrast that with someone who has a beginner’s mind.  That person will humbly admit that there is always more to learn.

Also note that a beginner’s mind can learn just as effectively from someone half his chronological age, from someone who is in a subordinate role, from people with significantly lower IQ’s, from people they don’t know, and/or maybe doesn’t even speak their language.

A beginner’s mind doesn’t mean you don’t know anything.  On the contrary, it simply means that in spite of what you already know, you’re willing to approach the subject with brand-new eyes.  Take what you know, put it on the shelf and hear the other person as if you were a total beginner.  Then when all is said and done, you have every right to choose to reject everything you heard, accept part of it and reject the rest, or replace your old understanding with the new.  The beginner’s mind does not mean you’re gullible.  Rather it means that you humbly admit that you just might not know it all.

Give it a try.  You might just learn something.  And for sure, those around you will respect and appreciate you more than ever before.

Prayer Power
Lord, grace us with the humility to have a beginner’s mind toward everything…including our understanding of You.  There is so much that we don’t know.

Link of the Day
Beginner’s Mind

Blessings on you as you purpose to listen to other people with a beginner’s mind.

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“One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential.  Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency.  We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.”  Maya Angelou

What is holding you back from living up to your potential?

The members of the council were amazed when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, for they could see that they were ordinary men who had had no special training. They also recognized them as men who had been with Jesus.  (Acts 4:13; NLT)

Continuing with the list of character traits of The Compassionate Samurai from Brian Klemmer’s latest book, we start 2009 with the next to last trait on his list, courage or boldness.  Webster defines courage as the attitude of facing and dealing with anything recognized as dangerous, difficult or painful, instead of withdrawing from it.  Klemmer points out that to do something when you’re not aware of the risks is not courage.  Courage is acting in the face of fear.  He writes, “If you have fear, welcome to the human race.  The minute you care, there’s fear.  That’s okay.  It’s natural.”

We all have fears.  The key to success in life, the key to being all that God calls you to be in this new year, is to realize that much of that stuff that we’re afraid of is only the fruit of our overactive imagination painting the worst possible scenario.  I’m sure you’ve all heard the acronym FEAR–false evidence appearing real.  The trick is to face those fears head-on and do what you have to do–even if you are afraid.

You can’t spend your life trying to shelter yourself from every single hurt that may come your way.  “The person who tries and keeps on trying will eventually get to where (s)he’s going.”  We all need to move on from the lowest point in life–mediocrity.  “Mr and Mrs. Average can be defined as the best of the worst and the worst of the best.”  We aspire to better in this new year, and believe that you do too.  You certainly have the God-given potential to excel in 2009.

Prayer Power
Lord, we are forever grateful for the courage You demonstrated to make the ultimate sacrifice for each and every one of us.  I’m sure our imaginations can’t even begin to comprehend the price You paid.

Link of the Day
How to Overcome the Fear of Failure

Blessings to you as you purposely face one of your fears head on this week and step out of your comfort zone.

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“One of the keys to abundance is having a solution oriented mind set.”  Brian Klemmer

What is the first thing that comes into your mind when you encounter an obstacle?  How about when you are presented with an opportunity?

And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened.  For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks.  (Luke 11:9,10 and Matt. 7:7,8; NLT)

The eighth character trait that Brian Klemmer covers in his latest book, The Compassionate Samurai, is abundance.  Given all that is going on in our world right now, abundance is a very timely topic and it seems that everybody is writing about it…except the journalism community.  (BTW, the Link of the Day is a fascinating blog post made by a close friend of ours who has a graduate degree in journalism.  I urge you to not miss it.)  Klemmer adds some interesting bits of wisdom to this topic, but one that particularly stands out to me is when he writes, “Before abundance manifests in a tangible way in your life, it must first manifest in your mind.  If abundance never takes root there, then you’ll probably never experience it.”  Hmmmm…abundance seeds anyone?

So my post will instead be more about the opposite side of an abundant mind set, i.e., the scarcity mind set.  This is clearly the view of the masses during this chaotic time in our history.  “There just won’t be enough to go around!”  “I will have to make major adjustments to my lifestyle just to exist,” etc.  Folks, I’ve been there.  I’ve experienced the fear that comes from worrying about finances…even during good times.  When the enemy has your mind going in a downward spiral like that, it’s almost impossible to pull out of it by yourself.  But have you ever noticed that most of the stuff that we worry about never happens?  Sure, uncomfortable things happen, but pretty rarely is it ever as bad as our overactive imagination made it out to be.

Here’s the tip from Klemmer that I’ve been going around the barn to get to.  When faced with either an obstacle or an opportunity, how often do we look at the circumstances we can see and ask, “Can I do this?”  It’s an amazing fact that the words, “can I” usually lead to reasons why I can’t.  Even if we can, that combination of words will make our minds seek all the reasons why not.

The solution?  Add a single word to the question.  Ask instead, “How can I do this?”  That one little word, “how,” will cause your mind to create a solution rather than search for a problem.  This may seem so trivial and insignificant, but it’s just these kinds of “tweaks” to our thinking that will, over time, move us from the limited thinking produced by scarcity to the reality of abundance.

Speaking of abundance, The Coaching Pair is going to take the rest of the holiday week off and enjoy some abundant down time.  We’ll be back next year.  Make it a wonderful New Year’s celebration by imagining how great 2009 is going to be.

Prayer Power
Lord, we thank You that Your Word tells us in no uncertain terms that Your are an Abundant God.  Indeed, we are a blessed people.  We are grateful for all that we have and look forward to an abundant future.

Link of the Day
Don’t Believe the Hype

Blessings on you as you reflect on all that you have to be grateful for.  Take some time and make a list.

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“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough.”  Dr. Frank Crane

How would life be different if people were more willing to trust one another?

The trustworthy will get a rich reward. But the person who wants to get rich quick will only get into trouble.  (Prov. 28:20; NLT)

Have you ever heard someone say, “I will never trust anyone ever again?”  Perhaps you yourself have felt that way after being let down by someone you trusted who broke that trust.  In today’s culture, it’s virtually impossible to not extend some level of trust over and over again.

For example, when you give your credit card to the wait person in a restaurant, you are trusting that person (whom you likely never saw before nor will ever see again) to not record your card number and use it for their own gain.  If you purchase groceries in a store, you are trusting the store owners to provide edible food at a fair price.  If you contract with the electric company to provide electricity to your home, you are trusting them to do so in return for the monies you give them.  Trust is virtually impossible to escape.

On the other hand, Brian Klemmer lists five important benefits to trust in his latest book The Compassionate Samurai.  First, the synergistic power of teamwork is only accessible through trust.  It is well understood that a tightly-knit team can accomplish far more working as a team than the total of each of the individuals performing individually.  That kind of teamwork requires trust–trust that each member will do their part as planned.

Secondly, trust builds relationship and intimacy.  Ask anyone who achieves a personal goal by paying the price of breaking trust with others just how lonely they are with their prize.  There is no one left to celebrate with nor to help them as they move on to the next goal.  The short-term gain of the gold ring never outweighs the long-term loss of relationship.

Thirdly, trust releases time and efficiency.  Delegation is impossible without trust.  One person can only do so much in a single 24-hour period.  Having to do things which could more easily be delegated is a terrible waste of time and talent.  For talent and skill to be maximized, there must be delegation, aka trust.

Klemmer’s fourth reason for trusting is that it is the “primary tool for making a difference….When you trust people, you empower them.  They play at a higher level trying to live up to the trust you’ve placed in them.”  I’m sure we can all relate to the increase in ability that seems to come to us when someone else is counting on us to do something.  What would happen to our growth if no one (including ourselves) trusted us to do better?

Finally, trust gives you a feeling of exhilaration.  Recall the feelings you experienced when you trusted your child to do something and they did it…when you trusted someone else to do something and they did it.  How about the time you trusted yourself to do something…and you did it?  This is a good feeling that in itself inspires even greater levels of achievement.

By this time it should be evident that the ability to accomplish one’s life purpose is virtually impossible without the trust and interdependence of other people.  The ability to trust others and the ability to be trusted are vitally important character traits that must be carefully nurtured and protected.  Like a great building, trust takes a significant amount of time to build, but can be destroyed in a few seconds.

Prayer Power
Lord, help us to see the importance of trust and grant us the strength to protect our trustworthiness from the many temptations to compromise that inevitably come our way.

Link of the Day
America’s Trust Fall

Blessings on you as you prayerfully increase your level of trust in someone this week.

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“I love living life.  I am happy!”  Nick Vujicic

When you fall, have you ever felt like you just didn’t have the strength to get back up?  How did you overcome that feeling?

Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size–abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks.  I just let Christ take over!  And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.  (2 Cor. 12:10; MSG)

Last February, I wrote about an overcomer by the name of Nick Vujicic who touched my heart greatly (as well as the hearts of many you readers).  That DG was entitled “Another Overcomer” and is still available if you want to review it.  Just click on the title and it will take you right to it.

About a week ago, a great friend and colleague, Kathy Kane sent us another video of some of what Nick has been up to lately.  As last time, this video is a must see.  First of all, you will be amazed.  Second, your gratitude attitude will undoubtedly soar to new heights.

BTW, if you’re on Facebook, so is Nick.  Log on and search for Nicholas James Vujicic and do a friend request to be one of his over 4200 friends.  As I recall, he’s a little slow in responding, but then again, he’s busier than most of us, so we’ll just have to extend a little grace.  BTW again, if you’re on Facebook and your not on my friend list, go to http://profile.to/jerrygraham/ and identify yourself as a DG subscriber.  I would be honored to be on your friend list.

Finally, in case you haven’t noticed, next week is Christmas week.  It’s going to be a little different for us this year.  We’re traveling to Pennsylvania to spend Christmas day with Sharon’s Mom.  If you’ll remember, Sharon’s Dad passed away a couple of days before Thanksgiving and Mom was just moved to an assisted living facility last week.  She wants to have Christmas dinner at her own home, so we’ll be working toward that end.  We will appreciate your thoughts and prayers this holiday season.  Fortunately, Mom seems to be doing remarkably well.

All that to say that we plan on publishing a DG Monday and Tuesday of next week and then taking the rest of the week off…or giving you a break for the rest of the week.  There are some major changes in the wind with our DG emails.  We’re moving in the direction of just sending you a short email announcing the fact that we just published a new DG and if the title and description catches your interest, there will be a link to our blog.  At the moment, the plans are that our writing schedule will stay the same–just a change in the method of delivery.  That will likely happen early in January.

Make it a great weekend!!!  See ya Monday!

Prayer Power
Lord, You have given us such amazing resilience.  In Your strength we cal overcome any adversity.  Never let us give up.  Give us the strength and courage to finish the race well.

Link of the Day
Get Back Up

Blessings on you as you tie up any loose ends this weekend just prior to Christmas.

“The higher up you go in life, the more input you’re going to need regularly to stay there.”  Brian Klemmer

Reflect on the last time you felt truly honored by someone.  How did it make you feel?

Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God will give you.  (Exod. 20:12; NLT)

Have you noticed the incredible lack of honor for each other that is sweeping though our society?  People used to honor our President…even if they disagreed with him, they at least honored his office.  Not any more.  It has become popular of late to bash Bush from all directions–the media, fellow politicians, high profile personalities with no experience nor knowledge all freely join in without giving it a second thought.  It really has little to do with the person being bashed…it’s all about a growing lack of respect for our fellow man.  Trust me, within the next couple of years, the guns will turn on Obama.  (Unfortunately, some of my fellow Christians have already begun.)

The U.S. Senate used to be a place noted for honor.  Senators gave deference to each other out of sheer respect for their position if for nothing else.  Now, it is not at all uncommon to see senators shouting at each other with total disrespect even while in session.  As these childlike antics are captured for all to see on the 6 o’clock news, is it any wonder that our children are growing up in a society that has lost touch with the meaning of the word “respect.”  Disrespect abounds across racial lines, within racial lines, across and within gender lines, across and within political parties, within major league sports teams, within churches, within families, and on and on and on.

Brian Klemmer devotes a whole chapter to honor in his latest book, The Compassionate Samurai.  He writes, “Dishonor always carries a very high price.  It costs the person who is dishonored, and it also costs everyone affiliated with the one who engaged in the dishonoring behavior.  The price to be paid for dishonor isn’t always immediately recognized.  But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t paid.  Society tends to hide the effects and consequences of dishonor, the thinking being that if you don’t show honor you can get away with it.  The truth is that this will never happen.  It will catch up to you sooner or later.”

One aspect of honor Klemmer discusses in his book is listening.  As a coach, this is an area that I’ve become especially sensitive to although I am still not as good at listening as I should be.  As he points out, when we’re communicating with others, our highest goal should be to listen to them intently as that demonstrates our honor for them.  When’s the last time someone really listened to you?  It seems to happen very rarely these days.  I’ve even heard of coaches being hired just so their client would have somebody who would truly listen to them.  How sad.

I didn’t really set out to write such a negative sounding DG today, but frankly, honor is a character trait that should be on the endangered species list.  I believe the only thing those of us who are concerned about the lack of honor can do is to choose to rise above the fray and purpose to honor those we come in contact with–whether they honor us or not.  Unconditional honor.  We may not be able to fully respect and honor their behavior, but we can always find something about them to honor even if it’s just the fact that they were created in the image of God.  It may not seem like much, but every little bit helps.

Prayer Power
Lord, help us to live our lives in a fashion that honors our fellow man and thereby glorifies You.  Grant us the grace to rise above the emotion that so freely degenerates into dishonoring behavior.

Link of the Day
Interview with Brian Klemmer

Blessings on you as you purpose find the good and to honor your fellow man.

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“When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost.”  Billy Graham

When is it acceptable (or strategic) to be a little less than honest?

Good people are guided by their honesty; treacherous people are destroyed by their dishonesty.  (Prov. 11:3; NLT)

Yes, I’m honest, but….   And that’s where the dishonesty begins.  Sometimes the person saying it doesn’t even see the discrepancy.  Most of us have mental filters when it comes to honesty.  Brian Klemmer, in his new book, The Compassionate Samurai, uses as an example the quote of a crook: “Of course I’m honest!  I tell people that I’m going to steal from them, and that’s being honest.”

But with honesty, as with many character traits, there is no gray area–no buts.  You either are, or you aren’t honest.  Admittedly, the challenge is often made greater when we don’t even know ourselves well enough to understand what is really the truth.

Sometimes we choose to not disclose the whole truth.  Sometimes we do that to protect our position.  Sometimes we do that to protect the other person from harm.  But in both cases, it’s being dishonest.  Honesty is the whole truth, period!  Now this is not to say that you should feel free to “blast” someone in the name of honesty.  Check your intentions.  Be honest with yourself.  Is your goal to help the other person or just make them feel bad?  There is a right way and wrong way to handle such a situation.  Purposely hurting another to make you feel better is never the right way.

We’ve all grown up hearing, “honesty is the best policy.”  Yes it is–in the long run.  Sometimes there are short-term costs to pay for being honest.  That’s what causes many of us to choose to be less than honest at times.  However, Klemmer documents the long term cost of not being honest as “the loss of intimacy, efficiency, and aliveness.  First, lying destroys the trust the other person has in you.  Once you lie, the veracity of everything you say is in doubt.  Relationships and businesses are based on trust….Second, every time you violate your own principles, it’s like taking a knife and cutting yourself.  A piece of you dies.  It doesn’t matter what principle you violate.  You become less whole; you compromise your integrity.”

This series of character traits of a Samurai as gleaned from Klemmer’s new book will continue for the next several DG’s, only interrupted from time to time when something timely appears.  I would like to think that the series will be helpful to you as we stand at the threshold of a new year.  it’s a great time to examine ourselves and make selective adjustments.  Improvements to character is always a fruitful activity.  If this is resonating with you, I encourage you to get Klemmer’s book.  See the Amazon link in the 12/3/08 DG, “Benefits of Playing Victim”.

Prayer Power
Lord, often the person we’re most dishonest with is You.  We make excuses for our lack of fellowship with You rather than just being honest about our true motives.  How foolhardy!  Do we really think we can deceive our Maker?  Grant us the grace to overcome those tendencies.

Link of the Day
Yes, Integrity Matters!

Blessings on you as you purpose to avoid all temptation to be less than honest.

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Tell me what you pay attention to and I will tell you who you are.”  Jose Ortega y Gasset

How easily distracted are you?

As the time drew near for his return to heaven, Jesus resolutely set out for Jerusalem.  (Luke 9:51; NLT)

According to Brian Klemmer, in his latest book, The Compassionate Samurai, “Focus is the ability to direct your attention, efforts, or activity at a desired direction or object without being distracted.”  Life is full of distractions and most of us cannot maintain focus on one thing for very long at all.  Klemmer writes, “phone calls disrupt work plans, work interferes with relationships, and problems in relationship interfere with our careers.  Challenges with kids distract us from the romance in our marriage.  A serious illness interrupts our plans.”

The sad thing is that most distractions tend to take our focus off of important things contributing to our effectiveness and instead cause us to focus on ineffective or unimportant things.  For example, if you’re busy working on a project and the phone rings, your focus has been broken.  It’s never just a matter of picking up where you left off when you get back to the project, you almost invariably have to re-do a significant portion of the thinking that got you to where you were when the phone rang.  Depending on the complexity of the task, that could be minutes or it could be as long as an hour.  Do that several times during a day and it’s no wonder that progress seems so painfully slow sometimes.  Have you ever noticed that it’s usually easier to react to the urgent (e.g., the sound of a telephone ringing) than it is to focus on an important task until it’s completed?

One trap that most of us fall into is to spend way too much ineffective time focused on the past rather than focused on the goal.  We tend to gravitate toward remembering how badly we blew it, or how we failed to do that or failed to do this, or how so many others have failed in their attempt to do what we’re trying to do.  Klemmer calls it allowing the past to plague the future.  “As long as you allow your past to haunt you, you’ll never be free to pursue your future.  You won’t even be able to focus on your present.”

Therefore, one of the keys to an ability to focus on effective things is to become better at forgetting.  Sounds almost paradoxical, doesn’t it?  (Here is a time when having a poor memory is a blessing.)  Let me encourage you to become more and more aware of what you’re focusing on.  If you’re focused on something you can’t do anything about (like the past), you’re wasting valuable time.

Prayer Power
Lord, we’re told over and over how important it is to forgive.  Help us see that the ability and willingness to forgive ourselves is just as important as the willingness to forgive others.

Link of the Day
Motivation: More on the Power of Focus

Blessings on you as you purpose to spend less time focused on your past and more time focused on your preferred future.

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