“Until her children discovered their wings, there was no purpose for their lives.”  David McNally

Can you think of a time when fear held you back from doing what you know you were supposed to do?  What emotion does that memory evoke?

But those who wait on the LORD will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.  (Isa. 40:31; NLT)

A recurring theme in the Daily Grams over the last couple of years has been that the only limitations that are holding us back are self-imposed.  Yes, you heard that right — we make them up and then believe them.  A related truth that I have written about several times is the fact that growth requires us to step out of our comfort zone.  We have to be willing to step through the fear that is holding us prisoner within our self-erected box and just do it!

Now I don’t want to lay down any guilt trips, because we’re all guilty of the same foible.  I find it noteworthy that this not just a human weakness, but interesting enough it also extends into the animal kingdom as well.  As today’s video link shows, eagles are born to soar, but they typically suffer the same fear of stepping out of that comfort zone (appropriately known as their nest) and doing the eagle thing.

The solution for the eagle is a little encouragement from mom, a little tough love — particularly tough because I’m sure that sometimes it doesn’t work.  In those cases the result is tragic.  Tough love and encouragement is no less needed with the human species.  Sometimes it doesn’t work for humans either.  But there’s no getting around the fact that we were all created and gifted by a loving God to be able to soar to new heights.

So what’s holding us back?  Fear?  Probably.  Are we to beat ourselves up because we’re fraidy cats?  Wouldn’t it be more productive to find someone(s) who cares enough about us to give us that little push, that tough love, that encouragement to step out?  In some cases that could be a close friend or relative.  In some cases, it would be better if it were not some one quite that close.  That’s where a life coach can be particularly helpful.  Life coaches are trained to be encouragers.  Sometimes that’s all it takes — someone who believes you can in spite of the fact that you believe you can’t.

Today’s link is another of those magnificent little three-minute movies produced by Mac Anderson, founder of Simple Truths.  This one is based on a book written by David McNally titled Even Eagles Need A Push.  As you watch it, be thinking of who you love enough to offer the “supreme act of love” — a push.

Prayer Power
Father, we thank You that You have designed and gifted us to soar like an eagle.  Grant us the grace to overcome that fear that’s holding us back

Link of the Day
The Push

Blessings on you as you step out of your comfort zone and continue to grow.

“Wealth, fame and good looks may be a formula for anxiety rather than happiness.”  LiveScience.com

Would you rather have an apple or a donut?  Why did you make that choice?

Does my happiness depend on my wealth and all that I own?  (Job 31:25; NLT)

There was an interesting article posted on msnbc a couple of days ago…especially when read in conjunction with the article Sharon passed along yesterday.  According to another one of those longitudinal studies on happiness, this one only two years long and done by psychologists at the University of Rochester, happiness comes more from fulfilled relationships, health, and personal growth than it does from wealth, fame, and good looks.  Does that surprise you?  Probably not — if you give it some thought.

The U of R psychologists described two major categories of goals, extrinsic and intrinsic, i.e., external and internal.  Not surprisingly, at least upon some reflection, attaining the intrinsic goals bring much more happiness than do achieving the extrinsic ones.  “Achieving intrinsic goals led to higher self-esteem and a greater sense of well-being, the researchers statistical analysis revealed. But, in a snub for the American dream, attaining the extrinsic goals of wealth and fame led to anxiety and unhappiness.”

Fascinating article, but really interesting when you realize that in spite of an increasing level of well-publicized research and evidence to the contrary, people are not following a healthy lifestyle.  It’s the old story, put an apple and a donut in front of someone and ask which is better for them and virtually all would admit that the apple is the only contender.  Then ask which they would like to have right now, and you’d better have a couple dozen donuts with you as you conduct your little research study.  Why is that?  Even the U of R research is telling us that the apple will make us happier.

I believe that part of the answer lies in the significance of support, encouragement, and accountability (SEA).  SEA is the stock in trade of a life coach.  In order to consistently attain our goals, we will all do better with a plan (support), a cheerleader who believes in you (encouragement), and finally someone to whom you would rather not disappoint by making a wrong choice or by not fulfilling your commitment to them (accountability).

If you need help in accomplishing some of your goals, get a coach.  I have one.  Sharon has one.  Any other way is simply too much work and far too prone to failure.  Get healthy and be happy!  Make it a fantastic weekend!

Prayer Power
Father, we thank You for guiding more and more credible research toward “revealing” the truths You present in the Manufacturer’s Handbook.  And we especially thank You for not losing your patience with us along the way.

Link of the Day
Key to happiness? It’s not money or looks

Blessings on you as you as you have a healthy and happy weekend.

“Life purpose [destiny] is the energy of passion, channeled through experience and design, in the service of a greater calling.”  Tony Stoltzfus

What is your destiny or purpose in life?

But you know what I teach, Timothy, and how I live, and what my purpose in life is.  (2 Tim. 3:10a; NLT)

The last couple of DGs have focused on life purpose or synonymously, destiny.  Some dictionaries define destiny as synonymous with fate or predetermined outcome.  To me that’s a bit too gloomy.  In fact, Webster’s 1828 Dictionary says that our “destiny is happily concealed” from our view.  But like so many words, the strict dictionary definition has morphed over time, and one dictionary I’ve seen comes a little closer to the way we’re using the word today.  It says that destiny is “your overall circumstances or condition in life (including everything that happens to you).”

You know, this search for one’s destiny has gone on forever — I like to say, “is older than dirt.”  At one time or another, we all have wrestled with seemingly unanswerable questions like “Who am I?” “What is my purpose?”  “Why am I here.”  “What is life all about?”  So the way most have come to view destiny anymore is basically the answer to the question that adults used to love to ask us as kids — “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

But, I’m sure that as you have observed, the answer to that question changes multiple times over a person’s lifetime.  Circumstances change.  Things happen.  It almost seems that we are victims as life swirls around us.  But, I don’t believe that that being a victim is God’s intention for us.  I find that most Christians strongly believe as Max Lucado wrote, “You weren’t an accident. You weren’t mass produced. You aren’t an assembly line product. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly placed on earth by the Master Craftsman.”  So, this purpose that the Master Craftsman had in mind for us is what we now call destiny or life purpose.

I especially appreciate the way Tony Stoltzfus, the guy who taught Sharon and I virtually everything we know about coaching, defines destiny.  He says, “Life purpose is the energy of passion, channeled through experience and design, in the service of a greater calling.”  That single sentence seems to say it all.  That sentence includes the elements of your design (i.e., who you are); your life experience (i.e., what life has prepared you to do); your passion (i.e.,  what gives you energy and motivation to act); and your calling (i.e., your commission from God to serve others.)

As I mentioned a couple of times last week, I’ve been asked to be a guest expert on Lynne Lee’s Christian Life Coaching Cafe to discuss the topic “Discover Your Life Purpose.”  The interview is tomorrow (4/21) at 3p EDT.   Lynne is an experienced and widely published life coach who resides and practices in the United Kingdom,  Lynne and I would love to have you register at the link below and join us for that free teleseminar.  Even if that day and/or time doesn’t work for you, go ahead and register so that Lynne can send you a link to the recording.

Prayer Power
Father, we are often awed by the notion that You created us for a particular purpose.  Guide is as we take steps to get really clear just what that purpose is all about.

Link of the Day
Christian Life Coaching Teleseminars

Blessings on you as you take steps to define and live out your life purpose.

“Our mission is to provide valuable information about Christian coaching to coaches and anyone else interested in the profession, while building community among the different streams of Christian coaching.”  Tony Stoltzfus

When was the last time you purposed to learn something new?

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.  (Prov. 27:17; NIV)

Today, is the launch of an extensive informational Christian coaching blog.  Author and founder, Tony Stoltzfus says, “Our mission is to provide valuable information about Christian coaching to coaches and anyone else interested in the profession, while building community among the different streams of Christian coaching. We have a big, diverse crew of people involved, and we’ll be posting dozens of fresh articles and tools each month on a whole range of areas of interest. Users can browse (everything is free), comment, sign up to receive article feeds, contribute their own work and more. We hope this becomes a welcoming, diverse gathering site for the Christian coaching movement!”

This brand new informational site for Christian coaches is the place to go to enrich your coaching abilities and meet others in your niche. Created by coaches for coaches, this site lets you read dozens of coaching articles from over 20 authors, find information on coach training and coaching schools, browse an industry-wide events calendar, find coaching tools, resource recommendations, and much more.

Each site section is moderated by an expert coach from that arena, and includes contributions from multiple individuals. Here is a taste of some of the categories and moderators:
–Coaching Women with Kimberley Dinsdale
–Training and Certification with Linda Hedberg
–Coaching Skills with Tony Stoltzfus
–Wellness Coaching with Sharon Graham
–Web Marketing with Beth Cole
–Coaching Ministry Leaders with Michael Warden
–The Family Coaching Center with Jeff Williams

As you can see, I (Sharon) have been asked to be the moderator of the Wellness Coaching category.  I’ll personally write an article each month, as well as post other articles written by guest writers.  Jerry will be a guest writer for several categories.  This month he has an article posted under the Web Marketing category as well as the Wellness category. There is a great deal of information on the site, even if you’re not a coach.  Avail yourself to articles on leadership, being in ministry, and articles specific to women.

We’re excited about sharing the wonderful news of Wellness with a growing population!  Feel free to browse the site and pass it on to others whom you’d like to bless.

Prayer Power
Father, we thank you for Tony and the many ideas you give to him.  Thank you for this new website and for all of the people that it will bless and touch.

Link of the Day
Christian Coaching Center

Blessings on you as you purpose to learn something new this week.

By the time most of you read this, Sharon and I will be flying high!  Actually, we’ll be on our way to Dallas for the annual conference of the wellness company we work with.

Then, on Sunday after we leave Dallas, we fly to Oklahoma City where we’ll be staying with the parents of one of our good friends, Kathy Stoltzfus.  While in Oklahoma City, I have been asked to teach a class regarding the business of coaching to a group of students at Southwestern Christian University Graduate School.  I’m really looking forward to sharing some of the amazing social networking technologies that I’ve been learning over the past couple of years.

All this to say that Sharon and I have decided to not try to write DGs the whole time we’re gone.  So, here is a break for you.  If either of us get particularly inspired to do one or two over the next week and a half we may surprise you.  But, it is likely that the next DG will be 3/23.

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.” – Shunryo Suzuki-Roshi

What was the last occasion that led you to say, “Been there, done that, got the tee-shirt?”

A wise person is hungry for truth, while the fool feeds on trash.  (Prov. 15:14; NLT)

Epitaph for the average man or woman:  John Average Man.  Born 1900.  Died 1940.  Buried 1983.  Think about it…how many over 40 John Averages have you encountered?  Some die even earlier.  Some die when they graduate from college.  Some when they graduate from High School.  You’ve probably figured out that I’m not talking about physical death here, but instead, emotional, spiritual, or mental death.

You see, you’re either growing or you’re dying.  If you refuse to grow because you’ve “been there, done that,”  or because you’re tired of learning, or any of a thousand other reasons (aka excuses), you’re dead!  Oh, you might still be taking more than your fair share of room on the planet or breathing more than your fair share of air, but you’re dead nevertheless.

The last character trait of The Compassionate Samurai covered by Brian Klemmer in his latest book is Knowledge, or a constant eagerness to learn.  I’ve heard it said that the instant you decide you know something, you stop learning.  Contrast that with someone who has a beginner’s mind.  That person will humbly admit that there is always more to learn.

Also note that a beginner’s mind can learn just as effectively from someone half his chronological age, from someone who is in a subordinate role, from people with significantly lower IQ’s, from people they don’t know, and/or maybe doesn’t even speak their language.

A beginner’s mind doesn’t mean you don’t know anything.  On the contrary, it simply means that in spite of what you already know, you’re willing to approach the subject with brand-new eyes.  Take what you know, put it on the shelf and hear the other person as if you were a total beginner.  Then when all is said and done, you have every right to choose to reject everything you heard, accept part of it and reject the rest, or replace your old understanding with the new.  The beginner’s mind does not mean you’re gullible.  Rather it means that you humbly admit that you just might not know it all.

Give it a try.  You might just learn something.  And for sure, those around you will respect and appreciate you more than ever before.

Prayer Power
Lord, grace us with the humility to have a beginner’s mind toward everything…including our understanding of You.  There is so much that we don’t know.

Link of the Day
Beginner’s Mind

Blessings on you as you purpose to listen to other people with a beginner’s mind.

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“One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential.  Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency.  We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.”  Maya Angelou

What is holding you back from living up to your potential?

The members of the council were amazed when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, for they could see that they were ordinary men who had had no special training. They also recognized them as men who had been with Jesus.  (Acts 4:13; NLT)

Continuing with the list of character traits of The Compassionate Samurai from Brian Klemmer’s latest book, we start 2009 with the next to last trait on his list, courage or boldness.  Webster defines courage as the attitude of facing and dealing with anything recognized as dangerous, difficult or painful, instead of withdrawing from it.  Klemmer points out that to do something when you’re not aware of the risks is not courage.  Courage is acting in the face of fear.  He writes, “If you have fear, welcome to the human race.  The minute you care, there’s fear.  That’s okay.  It’s natural.”

We all have fears.  The key to success in life, the key to being all that God calls you to be in this new year, is to realize that much of that stuff that we’re afraid of is only the fruit of our overactive imagination painting the worst possible scenario.  I’m sure you’ve all heard the acronym FEAR–false evidence appearing real.  The trick is to face those fears head-on and do what you have to do–even if you are afraid.

You can’t spend your life trying to shelter yourself from every single hurt that may come your way.  “The person who tries and keeps on trying will eventually get to where (s)he’s going.”  We all need to move on from the lowest point in life–mediocrity.  “Mr and Mrs. Average can be defined as the best of the worst and the worst of the best.”  We aspire to better in this new year, and believe that you do too.  You certainly have the God-given potential to excel in 2009.

Prayer Power
Lord, we are forever grateful for the courage You demonstrated to make the ultimate sacrifice for each and every one of us.  I’m sure our imaginations can’t even begin to comprehend the price You paid.

Link of the Day
How to Overcome the Fear of Failure

Blessings to you as you purposely face one of your fears head on this week and step out of your comfort zone.

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“One of the keys to abundance is having a solution oriented mind set.”  Brian Klemmer

What is the first thing that comes into your mind when you encounter an obstacle?  How about when you are presented with an opportunity?

And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened.  For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks.  (Luke 11:9,10 and Matt. 7:7,8; NLT)

The eighth character trait that Brian Klemmer covers in his latest book, The Compassionate Samurai, is abundance.  Given all that is going on in our world right now, abundance is a very timely topic and it seems that everybody is writing about it…except the journalism community.  (BTW, the Link of the Day is a fascinating blog post made by a close friend of ours who has a graduate degree in journalism.  I urge you to not miss it.)  Klemmer adds some interesting bits of wisdom to this topic, but one that particularly stands out to me is when he writes, “Before abundance manifests in a tangible way in your life, it must first manifest in your mind.  If abundance never takes root there, then you’ll probably never experience it.”  Hmmmm…abundance seeds anyone?

So my post will instead be more about the opposite side of an abundant mind set, i.e., the scarcity mind set.  This is clearly the view of the masses during this chaotic time in our history.  “There just won’t be enough to go around!”  “I will have to make major adjustments to my lifestyle just to exist,” etc.  Folks, I’ve been there.  I’ve experienced the fear that comes from worrying about finances…even during good times.  When the enemy has your mind going in a downward spiral like that, it’s almost impossible to pull out of it by yourself.  But have you ever noticed that most of the stuff that we worry about never happens?  Sure, uncomfortable things happen, but pretty rarely is it ever as bad as our overactive imagination made it out to be.

Here’s the tip from Klemmer that I’ve been going around the barn to get to.  When faced with either an obstacle or an opportunity, how often do we look at the circumstances we can see and ask, “Can I do this?”  It’s an amazing fact that the words, “can I” usually lead to reasons why I can’t.  Even if we can, that combination of words will make our minds seek all the reasons why not.

The solution?  Add a single word to the question.  Ask instead, “How can I do this?”  That one little word, “how,” will cause your mind to create a solution rather than search for a problem.  This may seem so trivial and insignificant, but it’s just these kinds of “tweaks” to our thinking that will, over time, move us from the limited thinking produced by scarcity to the reality of abundance.

Speaking of abundance, The Coaching Pair is going to take the rest of the holiday week off and enjoy some abundant down time.  We’ll be back next year.  Make it a wonderful New Year’s celebration by imagining how great 2009 is going to be.

Prayer Power
Lord, we thank You that Your Word tells us in no uncertain terms that Your are an Abundant God.  Indeed, we are a blessed people.  We are grateful for all that we have and look forward to an abundant future.

Link of the Day
Don’t Believe the Hype

Blessings on you as you reflect on all that you have to be grateful for.  Take some time and make a list.

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“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough.”  Dr. Frank Crane

How would life be different if people were more willing to trust one another?

The trustworthy will get a rich reward. But the person who wants to get rich quick will only get into trouble.  (Prov. 28:20; NLT)

Have you ever heard someone say, “I will never trust anyone ever again?”  Perhaps you yourself have felt that way after being let down by someone you trusted who broke that trust.  In today’s culture, it’s virtually impossible to not extend some level of trust over and over again.

For example, when you give your credit card to the wait person in a restaurant, you are trusting that person (whom you likely never saw before nor will ever see again) to not record your card number and use it for their own gain.  If you purchase groceries in a store, you are trusting the store owners to provide edible food at a fair price.  If you contract with the electric company to provide electricity to your home, you are trusting them to do so in return for the monies you give them.  Trust is virtually impossible to escape.

On the other hand, Brian Klemmer lists five important benefits to trust in his latest book The Compassionate Samurai.  First, the synergistic power of teamwork is only accessible through trust.  It is well understood that a tightly-knit team can accomplish far more working as a team than the total of each of the individuals performing individually.  That kind of teamwork requires trust–trust that each member will do their part as planned.

Secondly, trust builds relationship and intimacy.  Ask anyone who achieves a personal goal by paying the price of breaking trust with others just how lonely they are with their prize.  There is no one left to celebrate with nor to help them as they move on to the next goal.  The short-term gain of the gold ring never outweighs the long-term loss of relationship.

Thirdly, trust releases time and efficiency.  Delegation is impossible without trust.  One person can only do so much in a single 24-hour period.  Having to do things which could more easily be delegated is a terrible waste of time and talent.  For talent and skill to be maximized, there must be delegation, aka trust.

Klemmer’s fourth reason for trusting is that it is the “primary tool for making a difference….When you trust people, you empower them.  They play at a higher level trying to live up to the trust you’ve placed in them.”  I’m sure we can all relate to the increase in ability that seems to come to us when someone else is counting on us to do something.  What would happen to our growth if no one (including ourselves) trusted us to do better?

Finally, trust gives you a feeling of exhilaration.  Recall the feelings you experienced when you trusted your child to do something and they did it…when you trusted someone else to do something and they did it.  How about the time you trusted yourself to do something…and you did it?  This is a good feeling that in itself inspires even greater levels of achievement.

By this time it should be evident that the ability to accomplish one’s life purpose is virtually impossible without the trust and interdependence of other people.  The ability to trust others and the ability to be trusted are vitally important character traits that must be carefully nurtured and protected.  Like a great building, trust takes a significant amount of time to build, but can be destroyed in a few seconds.

Prayer Power
Lord, help us to see the importance of trust and grant us the strength to protect our trustworthiness from the many temptations to compromise that inevitably come our way.

Link of the Day
America’s Trust Fall

Blessings on you as you prayerfully increase your level of trust in someone this week.

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“The higher up you go in life, the more input you’re going to need regularly to stay there.”  Brian Klemmer

Reflect on the last time you felt truly honored by someone.  How did it make you feel?

Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God will give you.  (Exod. 20:12; NLT)

Have you noticed the incredible lack of honor for each other that is sweeping though our society?  People used to honor our President…even if they disagreed with him, they at least honored his office.  Not any more.  It has become popular of late to bash Bush from all directions–the media, fellow politicians, high profile personalities with no experience nor knowledge all freely join in without giving it a second thought.  It really has little to do with the person being bashed…it’s all about a growing lack of respect for our fellow man.  Trust me, within the next couple of years, the guns will turn on Obama.  (Unfortunately, some of my fellow Christians have already begun.)

The U.S. Senate used to be a place noted for honor.  Senators gave deference to each other out of sheer respect for their position if for nothing else.  Now, it is not at all uncommon to see senators shouting at each other with total disrespect even while in session.  As these childlike antics are captured for all to see on the 6 o’clock news, is it any wonder that our children are growing up in a society that has lost touch with the meaning of the word “respect.”  Disrespect abounds across racial lines, within racial lines, across and within gender lines, across and within political parties, within major league sports teams, within churches, within families, and on and on and on.

Brian Klemmer devotes a whole chapter to honor in his latest book, The Compassionate Samurai.  He writes, “Dishonor always carries a very high price.  It costs the person who is dishonored, and it also costs everyone affiliated with the one who engaged in the dishonoring behavior.  The price to be paid for dishonor isn’t always immediately recognized.  But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t paid.  Society tends to hide the effects and consequences of dishonor, the thinking being that if you don’t show honor you can get away with it.  The truth is that this will never happen.  It will catch up to you sooner or later.”

One aspect of honor Klemmer discusses in his book is listening.  As a coach, this is an area that I’ve become especially sensitive to although I am still not as good at listening as I should be.  As he points out, when we’re communicating with others, our highest goal should be to listen to them intently as that demonstrates our honor for them.  When’s the last time someone really listened to you?  It seems to happen very rarely these days.  I’ve even heard of coaches being hired just so their client would have somebody who would truly listen to them.  How sad.

I didn’t really set out to write such a negative sounding DG today, but frankly, honor is a character trait that should be on the endangered species list.  I believe the only thing those of us who are concerned about the lack of honor can do is to choose to rise above the fray and purpose to honor those we come in contact with–whether they honor us or not.  Unconditional honor.  We may not be able to fully respect and honor their behavior, but we can always find something about them to honor even if it’s just the fact that they were created in the image of God.  It may not seem like much, but every little bit helps.

Prayer Power
Lord, help us to live our lives in a fashion that honors our fellow man and thereby glorifies You.  Grant us the grace to rise above the emotion that so freely degenerates into dishonoring behavior.

Link of the Day
Interview with Brian Klemmer

Blessings on you as you purpose find the good and to honor your fellow man.

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