“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”  Mark Twain

What do you want to be when you grow up?

The glory of the young is their strength; the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old.  (Prov. 20:29; NLT)

When I grow up I want to be just like…   Well, let me start at the beginning.  When I was in college, I was part of a church-based youth group that was hosted by an elderly (to me at that time) lady who constantly amazed me with her energy, youthful outlook, and her ability to relate to us young folks, etc.  I distinctly remember thinking, “Wow! Wouldn’t it be great to be that young when I get that old.”  Well, I don’t know how old that woman was back when I was 18, but I expect she was somewhere about the age that I am now.

I tell you that little story to tell you that I recently encountered a new person to put on my “when I grow up” pedestal.  Dr. Randy Peck and I just concluded teaching our Web 2.0 course and we had a number of great students, but one will always stand out in my memory.  This particular participant was a delightful lady who I recently found out is 82 years young.  Did you get that?  82 years young!  (Since so many are sensitive about others knowing their age, I won’t mention the name of my new “idol.”)

Due to the situation with Sharon’s Mother, we’ve spent a lot of time over the last year or so in elderly-care assisted living facilities and observed many folks in their late 70’s and into their 80’s who are just existing.  They are usually barely able to walk, low on energy, and need various levels of assistance with the routine activities of daily living.  It is almost frightening to see what happens as others grow old.

None of this is true of this lady in our class.  At 82, virtually starting from scratch, she has learned how to blog (she’s writing several blog posts a week now), has a Twitter account, and a Facebook account.  She also has joined EzineArticles and has submitted several articles which have been accepted for publication.  I have observed that she is almost always the first person to show up for our webinars, and always is cheerful and full of joy, no matter what is going on.  Yes, she had some frustrations as she was learning all those new skills, but she was always very upbeat and joyful about what was happening.

A couple of weeks ago, while we were all hunkered down in our warm homes during our 4-day Nor’easter (which I heard was comparable to a category 1 hurricane), this “young lady” was going out every day to attend a conference or seminar which was happening in her city.  She wasn’t about to let a little wind and rain interfere with her plans.  She is truly amazing!

Lord, I pray that I will still have that joy and drive to learn new things 15 years from now.

(BTW, the two ladies in the photo are roughly the same age, but neither is a picture of our most amazing student.)

Prayer Power
Father, give us all the grace to age gracefully and joyfully and retain our zest for living as we move into our golden years.

Link of the Day
ProsperNow777

Blessings on you as you set your sights on staying young at heart.

“Newness is all about perception.”  Jonathan Wells

What is your favorite thing to hate?  Do you enjoy hating that thing (or person) so much that you would be unwilling to change?

A bowl of soup with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate.  (Prov. 15:17; NLT)

Jonathan Wells, whom I quoted above, has become one of my favorite bloggers.  I’ve included what I believe is his most recent post, titled “What Remains When the Newness Wears Off?” as today’s link.  It’s a very insightful post about the balance needed between staying adaptable to change while at the same time not taking the valuable things in your life for granted, i.e., losing the appreciation and gratitude that you had when they were new.

His post speaks of both things and of relationships, and much like he did in his post, I’m going to focus more on the relationships side of things for my thoughts today.  I heard a story over the weekend of a man and his wife who were having a particularly difficult disagreement.  After a period of heated exchange, the man literally walked out of the house in a huff, just to get away from the conflict for a bit.  (By the way, it’s often a very important strategy of conflict, to call a temporary time out to let emotions cool a bit — but that should always be a mutually agreed upon temporary truce and not just a unilateral turn tail and walk out like done in this particular story.)

As the story teller was stomping through the woods close to his house, getting angrier and angrier with each stomp because he was totally focused and consumed by the injustices he felt were being foisted upon him, he suddenly had a “left-field thought” pop into his head, “What was it about your wife that drew you to her in the first place?”  As he allowed that train of thought to gain momentum, his anger mysteriously began to disappear — replaced by gratitude and appreciation for the relationship he and is wife had developed over the years.

To make a short story even shorter, in a fairly small amount of time, this gentleman had completely lost his anger, totally changed his attitude toward his wife, and was eager to get back to the house to tell her how much he loved her, appreciated her, and to ask her forgiveness for the part he had played in the earlier tiff.  Since she could see the sincerity in his eyes, she was quick to accept his apology, offered her own, and the issue moved from one of volatility to one of mutual agreement regarding the outcome.

It’s an amazing story, which illustrates my post of two days ago regarding the ability we all have to “flip the switch” on our emotions by simply changing what we are thinking about.  This whole idea of gratitude and appreciation is vital to any and every relationship.

The same kind of thinking extends far beyond your mate.  It extends to your job or career, to your possessions, to where you live, or to just about anything.  You can always find something good to say about anything.  Hate your job?  Maybe so.  But I can promise you that there are some good features about your job.  Maybe it’s a steady paycheck.  Maybe it’s because it’s indoors rather than out in the rain.  Maybe because you are given time each day to eat.  You may have to dig a little, but I promise you that you can find a few good things about almost anything.  And I’ll also promise you that if you find those two or three good things and focus your thoughts on them, that it won’t be long before your attitude will do a complete turn-around.

How cool is that?  Virtually no effort required.  Just focus on the good things and watch the world all around you change right before your very eyes.

Prayer Power
Father, help us to remember to look for the good in those things we are not terribly fond of so that we can experience this miracle of an attitude change right before our own eyes.  Show us how to be good-finders.

Link of the Day
What Remains When the Newness Wears Off?

Blessings on you as you take steps to show your gratitude and appreciation to someone close to you this week.

Photo by h.koppdelaney

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.”  Dale Carnegie

How do you react when you feel overcome with emotion?

For as he thinks within himself, so he is.  (Prov. 23:7a; NAS)

Emotions — what a power-packed word!  Packed with feelings.  Emotions run the gamut from very, very negative like hate to the very, very positive like love.  Obviously, emotions that are negative can cause one all kind of difficulties up to and including physical, mental, and even spiritual illness; and emotions that are positive can make life a pretty wonderful experience.  It’s also interesting to note that emotions are contagious, i.e., easily picked up on by those around you and too often reflected back in like kind.

I believe that God designed us to have and enjoy positive emotions, and is just as grieved as we are when we pick up and nurture the negative ones.  I say nurture, because the emotions we are experiencing are very much under our control.  Like almost everything in life, we have a choice about our emotions.  You see, our emotions are simply an extension or outgrowth of our thoughts.  If we spend our time thinking sad, gloomy, melancholic kinds of thoughts, we are going to become immersed in sad and gloomy emotions.  The opposite is also true — happy thoughts will yield joyous, happy emotions.  Choose your thoughts and reap the resulting harvest of feelings.

It’s your choice because you do have the power to choose your thoughts.  It may take some effort at first, but like any skill worth acquiring, it can be learned and it gets easier and easier the more you do it.  Yes, negative circumstances and events will invade your life from time to time, and may indeed require your focused attention to deal with them, but once the issue has been managed to the best of your ability, it then becomes your choice as to whether you continue to “noodle” on that event or those circumstances or whether you purpose to turn your attention to something more positive and happy.

It sounds so simple.  Because it is!  It’s like flipping a switch.  Sometimes we may need a gentle nudge from a loved one or close friend to “flip the switch,” as we may have made a choice to “wallow” in our emotions.  But if and when we choose to come out, we always can.  It’s a capability that God has given us all.

Prayer Power
Father, we thank You that you have given up power over our emotions.  It’s exciting to realize that we are not victims of our circumstances, but masters over our own feelings.

Link of the Day
How To Manage Our Emotions

Blessings on you as you choose to have a joy-filled week, starting today — Monday!

Photo by It’sGreg

“A negative, pessimistic mindset has been shown to contribute to scores of health challenges including immune disorders, cancer, and heart problems. All other factors being equal, a happier life means a healthier life.”  Jonathan Wells

Describe the happiest weekend you ever had.

A glad heart makes a happy face.  (Prov. 15:13a; NLT)

I’ve written several DG articles in the past couple of years about happiness.  One reason is that happiness is such a universal heart’s cry.  Every body wants to be happy, but it seems that few are doing anything about..

The sad thing is that virtually everybody can be happy — if they would only choose to.  That’s right,  happiness is simply a choice,  It’s totally up to you whether or not you will be happy.

So many folks equate happiness with what’s going on around them, when it actuality happiness is all about what’s going on inside you — not outside of you.  That fact alone should make you incredibly happy!  Properly understood, that means that you can be happy when ever you want…and unhappy when ever you want.  You decide; you choose.  Think about it — no more being unhappy, unless you want to be.

OK, so how can you be happy when you’re not:  Well, I happened to run across this very helpful blog post from Jonathan Wells.  In it he gives 11 things that you can easily do to be more happy.  Many of them you’ve heard before, some even from me.  Even so, they are worth reinforcing once again.  It’s hard to pick, but my favorite has got to be his number 7 — “Be Positively Aware.”   It is such a powerful principle.

Using that principle, when you’re experiencing something distressful, simply stop for a moment or two and look for the blessing that lies hidden beneath the surface.  What good could possibly come from this situation?  You may have to stretch your imagination just a little bit, but it can be done.  And the exciting thing is that each time you rise to the challenge and do it, the next time is then just a bit easier.

So I encourage you to make your weekend coming up the happiest ever.  With these tips and just a little bit of effort, it can easily be accomplished.

Prayer Power
Father, we were designed to be happy.  I ask that you bring these principles to mind when things don’t go exactly according to plan or when life’s challenges occur.

Link of the Day
11 Steps to a More Positive You

Blessings on you as you purpose to walk these steps out and enjoy your happiest weekend ever.

“Wealth, fame and good looks may be a formula for anxiety rather than happiness.”  LiveScience.com

Would you rather have an apple or a donut?  Why did you make that choice?

Does my happiness depend on my wealth and all that I own?  (Job 31:25; NLT)

There was an interesting article posted on msnbc a couple of days ago…especially when read in conjunction with the article Sharon passed along yesterday.  According to another one of those longitudinal studies on happiness, this one only two years long and done by psychologists at the University of Rochester, happiness comes more from fulfilled relationships, health, and personal growth than it does from wealth, fame, and good looks.  Does that surprise you?  Probably not — if you give it some thought.

The U of R psychologists described two major categories of goals, extrinsic and intrinsic, i.e., external and internal.  Not surprisingly, at least upon some reflection, attaining the intrinsic goals bring much more happiness than do achieving the extrinsic ones.  “Achieving intrinsic goals led to higher self-esteem and a greater sense of well-being, the researchers statistical analysis revealed. But, in a snub for the American dream, attaining the extrinsic goals of wealth and fame led to anxiety and unhappiness.”

Fascinating article, but really interesting when you realize that in spite of an increasing level of well-publicized research and evidence to the contrary, people are not following a healthy lifestyle.  It’s the old story, put an apple and a donut in front of someone and ask which is better for them and virtually all would admit that the apple is the only contender.  Then ask which they would like to have right now, and you’d better have a couple dozen donuts with you as you conduct your little research study.  Why is that?  Even the U of R research is telling us that the apple will make us happier.

I believe that part of the answer lies in the significance of support, encouragement, and accountability (SEA).  SEA is the stock in trade of a life coach.  In order to consistently attain our goals, we will all do better with a plan (support), a cheerleader who believes in you (encouragement), and finally someone to whom you would rather not disappoint by making a wrong choice or by not fulfilling your commitment to them (accountability).

If you need help in accomplishing some of your goals, get a coach.  I have one.  Sharon has one.  Any other way is simply too much work and far too prone to failure.  Get healthy and be happy!  Make it a fantastic weekend!

Prayer Power
Father, we thank You for guiding more and more credible research toward “revealing” the truths You present in the Manufacturer’s Handbook.  And we especially thank You for not losing your patience with us along the way.

Link of the Day
Key to happiness? It’s not money or looks

Blessings on you as you as you have a healthy and happy weekend.

“The only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.”  George Vaillant

What is your reaction to the statement made in today’s title?  True or not?  Why?

Happy is the person who finds wisdom and gains understanding.  (Prov. 3:13; NLT)

Last Monday I bookmarked an article from The Atlantic titled “What Makes Us Happy?”  If you’re one of our long time readers, you will recall that I have a fascination for the way various people pursue happiness.  This article (today’ link of the day) was pretty long, so I set it aside for some good Sunday afternoon reading.

The article is about a 70+ year old (and still running) longitudinal study on happiness based on following 268 Harvard students (chosen from the classes of ‘42, ‘43, and ‘44) throughout their lives.  ”From their days of bull sessions in Cambridge to their active duty in World War II, through marriages and divorces, professional advancement and collapse—and now well into retirement—the men have submitted to regular medical exams, taken psychological tests, returned questionnaires, and sat for interviews.”

BTW, I had to look up the term longitudinal study myself, as I wasn’t sure of its meaning.  Wikipedia explains it thusly: “A longitudinal study is a correlational research study that involves repeated observations of the same items over long periods of time — often many decades. It is a type of observational study. Longitudinal studies are often used in psychology to study developmental trends across the life span.”

As I said earlier, the article is a long read, and I’m not sure that even after reading it there is any revealing information about happiness which can be attributed to such a gargantuan study.  However, the article is interesting, and in addition giving an overview of the history of the study, it focuses mostly on the life of George Vaillant, the curator of the study for the last 42 years.  Frankly, I don’t recommend you read the article in its entirety, but do encourage you to click the link below and watch the almost 7-minute video on the article’s first page.

In that video, largely the musings of Vaillant, he makes several interesting observations about happiness.  My favorite is “The job [life] isn’t conforming, it isn’t keeping up with the Jones…it is playing, and working, and loving.  And loving is probably the most important.  Happiness is love.”

Enjoy the video, and choose to make the upcoming week one of your best in memory.  It is your choice, you know.  You can choose to be happy.  Try it…you’ll like it!!!

Prayer Power
Father, this article shows rather clearly that happiness is more of a state of mind, a decision, than it is circumstantial.  We rejoice that You have promised to never leave us nor forsake us — allowing us to choose to see the good in every circumstance that we encounter.

Link of the Day
What Makes Us Happy?

Blessings on you as you purpose to have a happy week.

“For people who are used to feeling in control of their lives, it’s especially challenging to cope with a situation that’s out of control. For men and women who have built their self-esteem around succeeding, it’s deeply troubling for them to feel like they’re failing.”  Tom Muha

How do you cope when you feel like you’re failing?

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.  (Rom. 8:28; NLT)

A recent tweet (post on Twitter) led me to an amazing article by Dr. Tom Muha, a psychologist who practices in Annapolis, Maryland.  The article I’m referring to was published on HometownAnnapolis.com just last Sunday and is today’s link.  I encourage you to read it carefully.

Dr. Muha writes about the effect the economy is having on entrepreneurs who have experienced success until this latest crisis hit.  He points out that there are two primary strategies to cope with the issue of being out of control of your life, problem-focused coping and emotion-focused coping.  The difference is profound.

Problem-focused coping can be summarized in one word — optimism.  Clearly, optimism is a vital entrepreneurial trait, but can only go so far.  When things don’t turn around on your timetable and failure seems inevitable, “negative emotions [e.g., fear] hijack your brain” making it difficult, if not impossible, to think clearly, another equally vital entrepreneurial trait.

Emotion-focused coping, on the other hand, looks for the good that is inevitably part of every situation…no matter how bad.  In fact, some go so far as to teach that the greater the bad, the greater will be the good that emerges from it.  Training yourself to always look for the good can be a liberating strategy that we should all seek to adopt.  Far from positive thinking, this strategy is life transforming.

Dr. Muha concludes by pointing out that “surviving severe stress can transform your life in several significant ways”:

• It can strengthen your belief in your ability to persevere and prevail.
• It can improve your relationships by revealing who you can really count on to be there for you during the tough times.
• It can profoundly enhance your capacity for intimacy because your ability to empathize with others who are struggling often increases substantially.
• It can help you to develop a deeper understanding of what creates genuine satisfaction and authentic happiness.

It’s an incredibly important article.  Don’t miss it!!!

Prayer Power
Father, we thank You for the promise of Romans 8:28.  The fact that we sometimes misunderstand and misuse the verse doesn’t make it one whit less true.

Link of the Day
Achieving Happiness: Surviving severe stress

Blessings on you as you choose to look for the silver lining in every cloud that comes into your life.

“The nature of bad news infects the teller.”  William Shakespeare

How much news do you read or watch during the course of a day?

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things. (Phil. 4:8; NAS)

Knowing my concern about the negative effects of the news, our friend Janet Kennon sent me a really good piece that was taken  from a recent Optima EAP newsletter.  The article was titled “To combat the ‘doom and gloom’ inundating us through the news media, let’s rewrite a week’s worth of headlines:”

Fascinating idea, don’t you think?  The article went on to give several examples which I feel you will find instructive:

Original: People can’t afford to take vacations.
Rewrite: Treasures discovered in local communities!

Original: Home prices are falling.
Rewrite: Buyer’s market unfolds!

Original: People are going out less.
Rewrite: Families experience surge in quality time!

Original: Employees face rapid change.
Rewrite: Opportunities to learn something new abound!

Original: People don’t know what to do.
Rewrite: Unprecedented amounts of creativity reported!

Original: Consumer spending is down.
Rewrite: Shoppers possess greater negotiating power!

Original: Stress levels are surging.
Rewrite: Benefits of yoga and deep breathing revealed!

Don’t ya just love it?  What a fabulous idea!!!  Unfortunately, there is no name on the article for me to give credit to, but in my mind, the author deserves the “Employee of the Month” award.  Maybe “Employee of the Year.”  Can you just imagine the impact on Optima’s bottom line that would take place if the article inspired even a small fraction of their employees and/or subscribers to begin to think that way?

The author concluded the brilliant article with, “To maintain a healthy attitude, try not to internalize the negative messages you see and hear.  The next time you hear bad news, mentally reframe it to something more positive.  Make it a “good news” week!”

To put this into perspective, the Mayo Clinic says that the cause of illness and disease is stress.  They even go so far as to say that just ten minutes of watching the nightly news will make your stress soar.  So, if your news habit is so strong that you can’t bring yourself to turn it off, at least make a game out of rewriting the headlines.

BTW, for those of you who are interested, my appearance on Lynne Lee’s Christian Life Coaching Cafe on Tuesday, went very well.  In fact, the teleclass course that I offered her listeners sold out in less than 24 hours.  If you would like to listen in, I’ve made the audio file available as today’s link.  Make it a magnificent weekend!

Prayer Power
Father, we can’t thank You enough for the unbelievably Good News that you continually make available to all with ears to hear.  During these times of stress, may more and more become open to hear.

Link of the Day
Christian Life Coaching Cafe

Blessings on you as you ponder the benefits of a news fast.

“Man is never satisfied. This fact is deplored by many, but God did not intend that man should be forever satisfied.”  Raymond Holliwell

In what areas of your life would you like to see growth?

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  (Mat. 7:7; NIV)

Who hasn’t heard the sagely advice, “Be satisfied with what you’ve got.”  Sounds good doesn’t it?  The problem with it is that it comes from an untrue belief.  And like most untrue beliefs, it results in limitation.

Limitation?  How so?  Well, if you’re satisfied, you won’t try for more…or greater…or higher, etc.  What invention or breakthrough can you name that was inspired by someone being satisfied with what they had?  Nada!  None!  Satisfaction is inherently limiting.

What is untrue about satisfaction being desirable?  For one thing, the whole notion that satisfaction is a good thing.  After all, satisfaction is the antithesis of growth.  Look around you.  If something is not growing, it’s dying.  Things (or people) don’t get better by just sitting around maintaining status quo.  The second law of thermodynamics, better known as the law of entropy says that the natural progression of everything is to go from order to disorder.  Sitting still, or being satisfied, always leads to decline…disorder…death.

As bad as satisfaction is, to be ungrateful is perhaps even worse.  We should be grateful for all that we have, with where we are — “always give thanks for everything” (Eph. 5:20a; NLT).

So be always be grateful, give thanks, and begin to reach for the next level.  A life of growth and advancement is the life that God intended man to live.

Prayer Power
Father, we ask You to be quick about showing us those areas in our life where You are not satisfied with our current situation.  May we never be complacent in our reach for our God-given destiny.

Link of the Day
If You Aren’t Growing, You’re Dying

Blessings to you as you take steps to plan your growth in an area where you aren’t satisfied.

“The hurrier I go, the behinder I get!”  PA Dutch saying

What’s your personal “haste makes waste” story?

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!  (Psalm 46:10; NKJV) [NAS reads "cease striving..."]

From time to time I get newsletters from John Miller at QBQ!  I’ve passed along his newsletter before, so you probably remember that QBQ stands for Question Behind the Question and is derived from the title of John’s powerful book, QBQ! The Question Behind the Question.

The message in the latest newsletter is particularly relevant to the holiday season.  If you’re like most of us, you have so much on your plate that you can’t take the time to enjoy the season, let alone reflect on the reason behind the season.  My colleague, Dr. Randy Peck, likes to remind me that since love and hurry are incompatible, to be spiritually healthy, you must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.  I have to confess that when I hear him say that, I usually think, “Yeah, sure!  That sure sounds great but how do you do it?”

Well, the QBQ newsletter gives us one place to start in order to ruthlessly eliminate hurry.  In a nutshell, John says we all need to draw some reasonable boundaries in order to take care of ourselves, resulting in “an abundance of joy, improved mental and physical health, and greater peace of mind during a season that is all about Peace on Earth.”  Sounds like heaven to me!

Read John’s newsletter below and make it a magnificent, unhurried weekend…taking care of yourself with some reasonable boundaries.

Prayer Power
Lord, teach us to s-l-o-w  d-o-w-n!  Help us see that not all the things that we think we need to do are really all that important.  Help us choose wisely.

Link of the Day
QBQ! Boundaries: Saying No

Blessings on you as you s-l-o-w  d-o-w-n this weekend and spend some time just reflecting on several reasons to be grateful.