“When you compare, you despair!”  Gregory Dickow

How are you doing at avoiding the “comparison trap?”

We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.  (2 Cor. 10:12; NIV)

I’m sure you’ve heard the thought many times that you don’t really learn something until you teach it.  Sometimes I wonder if the topics I’m led to write on in these DGs are more for me than they are for you readers.  Am I being led to write on a topic because I need to learn it better?  I expect there’s a good bit of truth in that.  When I get an urge to write on a particular topic, I usually check the old DGs to see if I wrote on it before and if so, what I said.  Sometimes I’m surprised to see that I’ve written multiple DGs that touch on that particular topic.

For instance, I noticed that last year I wrote repeatedly on gratitude.  Most recently, I’m wondering if I’m beginning to sound like a broken record on the topic of comparison.  (By the way, some of you may be too young to identify with the “broken record” expression…forgive me.)  So now I find myself wondering if my repetition is an indication that I still haven’t quite got it myself.  Sounds like a thought designed to discourage rather than edify, doesn’t it?  So I’m not going to dwell on it.  If you’ve got this comparison thing down pat, just indicate that by hitting the delete key.

Anyway, today’s musings on comparison were prompted by the little “catch phrase” Greg Dickow wrote that I quoted in today’s Pearl of Wisdom–”When you compare, you despair!”  I was just letting that roll around to see how it played with the Law of Comparison (or Relativity) that I wrote about back in August (8/22/08 DG).  That law, if you’ll remember, tells us that nothing can be considered good or bad, fast or slow, etc., without a reference point or point of comparison.  And of course, the reference point that you use is entirely up to you.  It’s always your choice.  If you choose it wisely, you can virtually eliminate bad things from happening to you.  It’s an attitude thing.

But back to Dickow, he made the point that we often find ourselves thinking (or saying), “My life is not as good as others.”  Or, “I’m not as well off, pretty, or successful.”  Or, “My life is not as easy or fun.”  And on and on.  Dickow points out that this is a “deadly” way of thinking because the same people that you think are better off than you, may look at you the same way.  He goes on, “You have no idea what goes on on the inside of others.”

Our culture literally trains us to compare ourselves to one another.  Just watch the a couple of commercials on TV and see for yourself.  The church is not immune to it either.  Who hasn’t heard people say or write about the best worship, the best Sunday School, the best children’s program, etc.  The verse of the day says that comparing ourselves with others is “not wise.”  It could just as easily say, is “without understanding.”  When we’re comparing, we’re comparing to a reference point that we have arbitrarily chosen.  A different reference point would turn the comparison completely around.  Who’s to say which reference point is correct?  Is there even a correct reference point?

Just to wrap this up…recognize that much of our ego-driven comparisons have their root in thinking about what we don’t have.  Dickow calls that backward thinking.  There are so many things that we do have, that we shouldn’t even have time to consider what we don’t have.  Or when a “don’t have” thought slips in, we should quickly recognize and push it aside with any of a million “do have” thoughts that are available for our use.

By George!  I think I finally have it!!!  But don’t hold me to it.  I may have to come around this mountain again.  Make it a great weekend!

Prayer Power
Lord, we have so much to be grateful for, including the wise admonition to not play the comparison game.  Increase our sensitivity to those times when we fall into that trap, and grant us the grace to quickly dismiss and replace it with how blessed we truly are.

Link of the Day
The Dangers of Comparison

Blessings on you as you purpose to become more adept at avoiding the comparison trap.
 

“So when you are down, expect to go up.  When you are up, expect that one day your ‘up’ won’t be enough to keep you happy and it will feel like a down.  It’s all good.”  Leslie Householder

Are you up or down today?  How are you feeling about that?

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again–rejoice!  (Phil. 4:4, NLT)

How’s that for a strange title given the fact that this is being published on a Monday.  Wouldn’t “Sunday Came” be more appropriate?  Well, if you’ve been following me in this series so far, you recognize that in the metaphor I’ve been using, it’s still Friday, but Sunday’s coming.  If none of this makes any sense, please go back and read last Wednesday’s post as well as last Friday’s post.  We’ve been talking about the Law of Seasons (or Law of Rhythm, if you prefer), and how we should be remembering that law as we seemingly move into some pretty turbulent times (a “low” for many).  With the proper application of that law, we should take solace in the fact that better times are ahead (a “high” or Sunday is coming).

My premise is that if we know that better times are ahead, we would do well to focus on them rather than to focus on the difficulties that we are currently experiencing.  However, when we are on a high, that same law tells us that a low is coming.  Using the same logic, should we then focus on the coming low?  Au contraire, but let me quickly confess that I used to think that way.  When I was down, I was worried about how down I was and how much lower I might go, and then when I was up, I was excited about that, but worried about what tomorrow would bring.  In case you haven’t noticed, worry is a habit…every bit as destructive as smoking, drinking, overeating, or any number of “bad” habits.

So, what should we be thinking about the upcoming low if we’re currently experiencing a high?  Well, use the universal or irrefutable laws to your advantage rather than to your detriment.  Remember the Law of Comparisons (Law of Polarity to some) that says nothing is ever good or bad until you choose to make it so?  (See the 9/29/08 DG.)  That particular law tells us that even the worst of circumstances are actually fabulous.  That’s what we should be thinking when things are going well.  Yes, it’s inevitable that a low is coming, but understand that a low is only the absence of a high.

Think of life as a giant staircase.  You climb to a new high and it feels great.  After a bit, if you don’t continue to climb, you will actually stagnate (stop changing) and the feeling of exhilaration from the high will invariably morph into a feeling of low.  (To feel requires change.)  Now if you let yourself focus on feeling low, you are very likely to actually regress and start slipping backwards.  But if you continue to focus on progression and the next high while you’re feeling low, the feeling will soon pass and you will begin another upward assent, leading to a new high.  So learn to view those lows as important resting places as you climb higher and higher.  Reflect a bit on your life…haven’t you seen this phenomenon in action?

Isn’t all this just so much positive thinking mumbo-jumbo?  Well, with all due respect, I don’t believe so.  I believe that positive thinking is trying to define something as positive without basis.  That is simply wishful thinking.  What I’ve been talking about over the last several DGs is solidly based on universal laws.  Laws that are just as irrefutable as gravity.  Yes, it is certainly is thought management, i.e., choosing what to think about, but when you choose to think on something that is inevitable due to law, it’s not wishful thinking.  Hoping, yes…but not wishing.  There is a huge difference, and the kind of thinking that I’m advocating here is backed by a plethora of Scripture passages.  The Bible clearly tells us to manage our thoughts and to not worry.  In fact, I’m feeling led to make Wednesday’s DG about worry–seems rather timely.  See you then!

BTW…don’t miss the pictures at the end of today’s link.  You will rob yourself of a real blessing if you choose not to look.

Prayer Power
Lord, I thank You again that You chose to give us the power to choose.  You gave us the capability as well as written instructions on how to properly use that great gift.  Forgive us for those many times when we ignored the wise use of what You intended to make us the “head” rather than the “tail.”  And especially for those times when we arrogantly blamed You for the outcome.

Link of the Day
The Law of Polarity – Principle of Prosperity  (Don’t miss the pictures at the end of this link!)

Blessings on you as you choose to see you’re lows as a launching point for new highs.
 

“I never considered myself unique, but people are constantly telling me, ‘I am a miracle.’ To me, I was just an ordinary ‘guy’ with realistic goals and big dreams. I was a 19-year-old student at the University of Texas and well on my way toward fulfilling my ‘big dream’ of one day becoming an orthopedic surgeon.”  Michael Jordan Segal, MSW

How would you cope if your “big dream” were snatched from you with no hope of recovery?

That night the LORD appeared to Solomon in a dream, and God said, “What do you want? Ask, and I will give it to you!  (1 Kings 3:5; NLT)

A couple of times last week I wrote about the Law of Comparisons (aka the Law of Relativity).  Sometimes as I read about some of these universal laws and then turn around and try to write about them, I find myself amazed at the logic and wisdom they convey, but privately wonder how they would work with the “big” things in life.  You know what I mean?  It’s one thing to choose to look for the good with something that is relatively minor, i.e., more of a nuisance than a catastrophe, but what about a big, life altering events?  Obviously this kind of thinking has to move from your head to your heart so that it becomes automatic or instinctive.

I ran across a true story sent out by one of my mentors, Bob Proctor in his newsletter.  He passed along the story of a fellow named Michael Segal who wrote the following:

“Life is full of people who are not satisfied and not thankful for what they have. Many times people are constantly dwelling on what they have lost, rather than being satisfied and thankful for what they still have left. Believe me, I speak from experience.

“When I was 19 and well on my way to fulfilling my life-long dream of becoming a surgeon, I walked into a convenience store which was in the process of being robbed. One of the thieves shot me in the back of my head, leaving me for dead. However, I fooled everyone. Sure, I have my disabilities and I used to constantly dwell on the many things I had lost, being negative, saying, ‘Before I was shot I was athletic, now I can barely walk (with a significant limp), my arm is very weak, I speak somewhat slowly, my voice is hoarse. Before I was shot I could do 500 things really well, after the shooting, I can do only 200 things well. For a long time, I was constantly dwelling on the 300 things I had lost.’ However, eventually I began focusing on the 200 things I could still do. It wasn’t easy and it took me a long time, but refocusing one’s attitude is crucial — not merely for people shot in the head, not merely for people who are sick, but for everyone. Having a more positive attitude is vital and essential.

“One of my friends had a stroke. I would always try to encourage him by trying to get him to refocus on the positive. It was not easy but it was slowly working and he was improving. He still had a long way to go but he was getting there. He was always asking, ‘How long did it take you to walk? I hope I will be able to walk again.’

“I would say to him, ‘Everyone is different. Even though I have problems walking, my hopes and prayers are that one day you’ll be able to walk.’ With that statement I limped out of the hospital room.

“When I visited my friend the next week I immediately asked him to ‘tell me something good.’ He started by saying he had walked 60 feet with a cane in therapy, but just then his doctor (whom I knew) came in and asked how he was doing.

“‘Fine,’ replied my friend, ‘but I just want to be able to walk perfectly again — just like Mike.’ I stood there, a little shocked, but I said to myself, ‘He’s just started on the road to recovery. He’s beginning to think positive.’

“Another friend of mine once told me that he used to feel sorry when he would see people who needed walkers. However, I will never forget what he said after that: ‘I would give anything if my daughter (diagnosed with a possible brain tumor and currently needing a wheel chair) could progress to the point where she just needed a walker.’ He prays for that; I pray for that; and many other people are praying for that.

“Again, ‘Be thankful for what you have, and set your goals for higher things.’ The world is full of many horrible things, as well as many wonderful things. Sometimes a person is constantly looking at the ‘horrible’ things. However, my hopes are that they will be able to find the beauty in life. It’s there — if you look for it!”

Clearly, Michael Segal has demonstrated how effective this way of thinking really can be.  I’m so thankful that I have been blessed to learn and practice these laws on little things.  I can unequivocally testify that my attitude (and life) has transformed drastically over the last four or five years, and I (and everybody around me) is so grateful that it has.  Try it…it works!

BTW, Michael Segal was shot in the head during a robbery, and defied all odds by first surviving and then returning to college. He then earned two degrees with honors, married his high school sweetheart, Sharon, and became a father to their daughter Shawn. Mike is a social worker at Memorial Hermann Hospital in Houston and an author (currently he has two book projects he’s working on: an autobiography and an anthology of his short stories — as well as very soon he will have a CD of some of his best stories available). He also is a popular inspirational speaker sharing his “recipe” for recovery, happiness, and success. For more information see the Link of the Day below.

Prayer Power
Lord, we are so grateful that You have given us the gift to manage our thoughts.  We further ask that You would give us the grace to instinctively manage them in a constructive way in time of great stress.

Link of the Day
Michael Segal’s Web Site

Blessings on you as you continue to practice making wise choices about what you’re thinking about.
 

“Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don’t count on harvesting Golden Delicious.”  Bill Meyer

How’s your day going so far?  What keeping it from being a great day?

This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.  (Psa. 118: 24; NLT)

How many times in the average day do you hear the phrase, “Have a good day?”  Often used as a substitute for or supplement to good-bye, it has almost become trite because just like the standard greeting “How are you,” most people are just mouthing the words with no real sincerity or interest behind them.  If you’re like me, you probably use those phrases as much as everybody else.  It’s become a habit for many of us because when we say those things we don’t have to stop and think.

As I was reflecting on what to write about today, I remembered Monday’s DG wherein we talked about the Law of Comparison or the Law of Relativity and how anything that happens is neither good nor bad until we decide what to compare it to.  Therefore, we can choose to compare it to something worse and it is therefore good; or we can choose to compare it to something better and thereby declare it to be bad.

Well, if that is the case, and I truly believe that it is, then the already trite and meaningless “Have a good day” makes even less sense because it suggests that we are helpless victims to the circumstances that happen to come our way, and the well-wisher is simply hoping that there will be more good events than bad events so that we can feel like we’ve had a good day. 

If those circumstances or events can be interpreted by us to be to be good (or bad), then that takes the victim out of it completely.  Now it’s fully our responsibility about how those circumstances or events are viewed and we can choose to have either a good day or a bad day.  (Why anyone would choose to have a bad day is beyond my comprehension, but I’m sure there are some who would make that choice for any number of reasons.)

So, given that we have been given the power to make the choice, wouldn’t it make much more sense to end a conversation with “Make it a good day” or better still, “Make it a great day.”  Now it still might not be offered in a sincere manner, but nevertheless it carries the strong implication that the hearer has a choice in the matter.  Maybe if we were reminded enough times, it might just begin sink in that we do have the power to choose to have a good day.

I don’t know about you, but I am going to choose life instead of choosing death.  Sounds like a lot more fun.

Prayer Power
Lord, remind us to choose life and to interpret things that happen to us in a positive fashion.  Help us find the good in everything so that we can sincerely celebrate life on a moment by moment basis.

Link of the Day
How To Have A Good Day Every Day

Blessings on you as you choose to have an awesome weekend!
 

“All things are just an event.”  Leslie Householder

Think about a time when something negative happened to you that you can now look back on with gratitude and joy.

No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.  (1 Thess. 5:18; NLT)

Yes, it’s a strange title for today’s DG, but on the way home from my long weekend drive to and from a short visit with Sharon’s parents yesterday, I listened to a CD in which the Corrie ten Boom Story was told that described a time in her Nazi concentration camp experience when the women in her barracks were spared the atrocities heaped upon other women prisoners throughout the camp simply because the barracks she was in was infested with fleas and the guards were afraid to go near the place.

Can you think back on an experience in your own life that seemed devastating at the time, but that now with the passage of time and through reflection, you can actually see that the situation caused you to meet someone, or take some action that you would have not otherwise taken?  You can now see how that event had a major positive impact on your current situation.  In point of fact, you are now actually grateful that the crisis happened because of the positive effect it ultimately caused.  How wonderful it would be if we could have felt that gratitude back when the seemly negative situation was occurring.

Well, I believe that’s just what we’re supposed to be doing…according to the admonition from the Manufacturer’s Handbook cited above.  After all, it’s really just a choice, isn’t it?  We can choose to get all caught up in the crisis and feel sorry for ourself or we can choose to be thankful, even when we don’t begin to understand why just yet.  We can know that this situation is going to build something into us that we will one day be very happy we have. 

It reminds me of the Law of Comparison that I wrote about a month ago (see 8/22/08 DG).  That law said that “nothing can be considered big or small, fast or slow, unless it can be compared with something else.  This law shows that all things are relative.”  In fact, some even call this law the Law of Relativity.  When anything happens to us, it’s only a neutral event until we decide whether it’s good or bad.  It’s only bad if we compare it to something better (or conversely, only good if we compare it to something worse).  It’s our choice what we decide.

I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage, “I cried because I had no shoes, ’till I met a man who had no feet.”  Bottom line, we need to learn to be grateful for everything…even if we don’t understand why.  Easier said than done sometimes, but still a way of thinking that we need to cultivate.

Prayer Power
Lord, give us the strength to choose wisely when everything within us wants to scream out in anguish over the apparent injustice of our situation.  Grant us the grace to be grateful in everything, knowing full well that it will all turn out for our best over the long term.

Link of the Day
Trust God’s Plan

Blessings on you as you choose to be grateful in all things through this coming week.
 

“Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television’s message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom, and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth and fresher breath.”  Dave Barry

What standard do you use to measure yourself against?

Be sure to do what you should, for then you will enjoy the personal satisfaction of having done your work well, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.  (Gal. 6:4; NLT)

A couple of weeks ago, one of the nine irrefutable laws the I featured was the Law of Comparison (8/22 DG).  Basically, the law stated that “nothing can be considered big or small, fast or slow, unless it can be compared with something else.  This law shows that all things are relative.”

When you get right down to it, the “need” to compare is driven by the ego.  It can be a very destructive force.  it can also make for a very wild ride…up one minute and down the next.  One minute you can feel very good about yourself as you compare yourself to someone who apparently has less and the very next minute find yourself feeling very bad about yourself when you discover someone who apparently has more or better.  (There will always be some with more or better…or so it seems.)

We will never overcome this tendency to compare ourself with others until we are able to fully believe, at the heart level, that our worth is not based on how we compare to others in looks, material items, achievements, or social position.  When we compare what we have or who we are to someone else, we often find ourself becoming envious, ashamed, discouraged and desiring things that are not in our best interests to be or have.  That also totally ignores the pursuit of our own God-given life purpose or destiny.  The key to success in life is never to get in alignment with someone else’s assignment. 

Is comparison ever useful?  Absolutely!!!  Compare yourself to yourself.  Where are you now compared to a year ago?  Six months ago?  Are you going in a desirable direction?  Compare your current reality with your desired outcome.  Do you need a course correction?  Compare what you know now versus what you knew last week.  Have you learned anything?  Have you grown?  You may not always like the answer, but it’s always an answer that you have the power to control.  Comparison is not only good, but necessary to make sure you’re still on the right path. 

So bottom line, use comparison as a tool of empowerment rather than as a tool of disempowerment and destruction.  Today’s link is a delightful and poignant little story that really drives home the proper use of comparison.  Enjoy!

Prayer Power
Lord, forgive us for so readily engaging in the improper and destructive use of comparison.  Like so many other things, the ability to compare is a capacity you built into us to be used for our good, but we have turned it around for our destruction.  Teach us to use it properly.

 Link of the Day
Why Weren’t You Zusia?

Blessings on you as you start this week comparing yourself to yourself.
 

“Everyone you meet is either better off than you are, or worse off, in any given variable.  Seni Hazzan

Describe the last time you got into an argument (or heated discussion) because the other person didn’t see things the same way you did.

Oh, don’t worry; I wouldn’t dare say that I am as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with each other, and measuring themselves by themselves. What foolishness!  (2 Cor. 10:12; NLT)

As I said when I started this series (8/6), in my reading over the past several years, I’ve been exposed to many lists of so-called irrefutable laws.  Of all those lists, I have found the list of nine by Hazzan (from his book, Rebuilding from Ground Zero) to be the most useful and consistent with my Christian world view.  I thought I would share one or two of those fundamental laws through the next several DGs.  Don’t forget to leave comments as you feel led.

The end is in sight…just two more laws to go.  This one and one more.  Hope you’re still with me.  Our mentor in this study of irrefutable laws, Hazzan writes about the law of comparison, “This law states that nothing can be considered big or small, fast or slow, unless it can be compared with something else.  This law shows that all things are relative.”  I might add that without a comparison or reference point, nothing can be considered as good or bad either.

How about valuable or junk?  Too much or too little?  Liberal or conservative?  This law begins to challenge your concept of reality.  This helps explain how two people can view the same situation in entirely different ways.  Which one is right?  Both?  Neither? 

Hazzan goes on to say, “If you can be grateful for whatever situation you are in, and if you decide to improve your life based on your own desires and goals, rather than on pressures from others, you will be able to find motivation in the success of others, rather than compare yourself to them unfavorably, or engage in competition with them.”  As the Apostle Paul exclaimed, “What foolishness!”

As with all the laws we’ve been looking at, use it right and it is a very great ally…use it wrong and it is a formidable foe.  The choice is yours.  Maybe up until now you didn’t even realize that you had a choice.  Isn’t this liberating?

Prayer Power
Lord, give us the grace to overcome what seems like the human trait to compare ourselves with others.  Also help us learn to respect how others view situations and recognize that their reference point just may be different than ours.

Link of the Day
Homekeepers International

Blessings on you as you become more and more impervious to pressure from others advancing their agendas.

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