“You may not be able to change your environment, but you can always change your mind.”  Alan Cohen

How willing are you to change your mind?

Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little.  (Phil. 4:11; NLT)

I’m passing along a powerful story that I received earlier in the month.  The message it carries is profound and poignant.  Enjoy!

A Public Proposal
by Alan Cohen

It was after 11 p.m. — the overbooked flight was already an hour late for takeoff, and the crowd was getting grumpy. If ever there was a chance to practice peace in the midst of annoyance, this was it.

Finally we were herded onto the plane and I settled into my seat, with hopes of getting some shuteye. As soon as we reached cruising altitude, the flight attendant’s voice boomed over the P.A. system: “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our passengers would like to request your assistance with a special event he is planning when we land.

Dave in seat 17B is going to propose to his girlfriend, who is meeting him at the gate. He would like you to help him deliver some flowers to her. If 24 of you would each get one rose from Dave and give it to his lady before he gets off the plane, you can participate in his proposal. Dave will show you a photo of Heidi… to make sure the right lady gets the flowers.”

Ah, what a wonderful idea! I wanted to participate, but I was seated too far from Dave to get to a rose before the other passengers. When we landed, however, I was one of the first off the plane, and I positioned myself off to the side to watch the romantic spectacle.

Sure enough, there stood a lovely young woman waiting for her man. One by one, passengers exited the aircraft, each with a red rose in hand. With a smile, each person delivered a flower to Heidi, who shyly received them. Then the passengers formed a semi-circle behind Heidi, waiting for Dave and the Big Question.

Finally all the passengers had left the aircraft — except for Dave. The flight crew exited, but the groom-to-be was still conspicuously absent. Then the pilot and copilot emerged. They closed the door behind them, commenting, “Well, I guess that’s it for the night.” The crowd stood silently, watching, waiting, and hoping. Had Dave chickened out?

Suddenly, with all the aplomb of a Hollywood epic, the airplane door swung open one last time, now to reveal a handsome young man in a bright sailor suit. Dave had arrived. The audience breathed a welcome sigh of relief.

The knight in white, carrying yet another dozen red roses, strode proudly to his lady-in-waiting (who by now looked like Miss America, flowers piled to her nose). Tears streamed down her cheeks as she nervously watched her man approach, knowing full well what was about to happen.

Dave presented her with the flowers and ceremoniously dropped to one knee. The audience was rapt. By now it was nearly 1 a.m., but no one was going anywhere. Over 100 people fell silent and watched with awe.

Then he did it. He really did it. Dave produced a glittering gold ring and asked Heidi, “Will you marry me?” Of course she would. She tearfully nodded, and he slipped the ring onto her quivering fourth finger. With that, a great cheer and burst of applause went up from the jubilant crowd. The ovation reverberated through the silent airport, and probably still echoes today.

One by one, the group congratulated the couple and then we all made our way toward baggage claim together. The corridor was filled with laughter, chatter, and storytelling. People were happy.

Then something very profound occurred to me: the entire crowd had been transformed. Over a hundred people who had been tired, impatient, and frazzled two hours earlier, were suddenly awake, joy-filled, and playing with each other. Such is the transformative power of one sincere expression of love.

We have been told that energy and fatigue depend on the time of day, how many hours of sleep we have had, stress, environment, age, and many other factors. Yet here was a group of people who had been awake for a long time, traveling under stressful conditions in an unnatural environment, yet they had more energy when they got off the plane than when they began!

Energy and happiness have little to do with what is going on around you, and a lot to do with what is going on inside you. You can find yourself in ideal conditions and be miserable, and you can be in the most adverse conditions and soar. Environment and physical factors may influence us, but attitude makes or breaks us. You may not be able to change your environment, but you can always change your mind.

Joy is the wild card of life; it supersedes every other formula for success. If you can find a way to create joy, you can rise beyond all external factors. If you can play at whatever you are doing, you are the master of your life. And if you should ever have the occasion to make a public proposal, you can take a planeload of 100 bugged and weary people, and turn their evening into a party they will never forget.

Prayer Power
Lord, we thank you for the ability you’ve given us to change our physical and emotional situations by simply choosing to change our attitudes.  Oh that we would learn to walk in that knowledge and understanding day by day.

Link of the Day
Alan Cohen’s website

Blessings on you as you purpose to change your environment by changing your mind.
 

“Your mind is going to be working on something or other.  That’s its nature.”  Robert Fritz

What does your mind tend to work on most of the time?

My mind reels; my heart races. The sleep I once enjoyed at night is now a faint memory. I lie awake, trembling.  (Isa. 21:4; NLT)

Here’s yet another little gem that I’ve gleaned from the book by Robert Fritz that I’m currently reading (Your Life as Art) — The nature of your mind is to always be working on something.  Here we go again…should you allow it to choose the task of its own liking and just go along for the ride (victim) or should you guide and direct it to be working on something of your choosing (responsible)?

Interesting thought, isn’t it?  Recall that earlier this week we talked about the advantages of being a creator instead of a problem solver.  Some people take great delight and pride in solving problems.  (Is it possible that they’ve just never been exposed to the idea that solving problems is a distant second best?)  Fritz contends that, left undirected, your mind is naturally going to choose to solve problems and thereby engage in all the activities normally associated with problem solving, e.g., fretting, worrying, pondering, dreading, brooding, and struggling.  Sound like fun?

The alternative, again according to Fritz, is to “give your mind a bigger, more productive tension to work on.  If you don’t, naturally it will gravitate toward the problems because it is trying to resolve the conflict the problems provoke.”  He uses the word tension, and if you’ll recall from the 6/20 DG describing the creative process, that tension naturally comes from a clear articulation of a desired future and the current reality.  His use of the tension is as a friend, drawing you toward your desired future.

So, you can fall prey to the “tyranny of the urgent,” i.e., dealing with the day-to-day problems we all face — those things we are trying to “avoid, eradicate, or eliminate.”  Or, by simply making a clear decision about what it is that you desire along with a clear description of what the current situation is, your mind will automatically begin to gravitate toward resolving that larger tension and thereby focusing on “creating, building, or producing.”

Hmmmm, makes me think of  Deuteronomy 30:19, “I have set before you life and death…therefore choose life.” 

Have a better than fantastic weekend!!!

Prayer Power
Lord, we are so often caught up in fretting, worrying, pondering, dreading, brooding, and struggling.  Your Instruction Manual tells us clearly not to do that.  Yet it has become a way of life for many.  Grant us the grace and the faith, to be able to de-stress and be more purposeful in believing and acting on the promises You have made to us.

Link of the Day
Your Life as Art

Blessings on you as you chill this weekend and focus on defining your true desired future.
 

“Your life is not a problem to be solved. It is a creation in process.”  Robert Fritz

Why do so many people love to solve problems?  Is that the best thing?  Why or why not?

Then God said, “Let us make people in our image, to be like ourselves.  (Gen. 1:26a; NLT)

I’ve often heard it said that men tend to be problem solvers.  In fact, it came out in a recent marriage seminar that Sharon and I attended…something to the effect that often when a woman tells a man about a problem she’s having, she doesn’t necessarily want a solution–she just wants to talk about it.  Where we men often get into trouble is that we don’t want to talk about it.  We just want to solve it.  “Why are you telling me all this if you don’t want a solution?”  Ever been there?

I’m getting some really fresh, new perspective from this book by Robert Fritz that I’m currently reading (Your Life as Art).  Check out this quote, “A problem solving orientation limits your creative process.”  Wow!  Say that to your favorite engineer–and duck!

Fritz’s logic utilizes four interesting arguments.  First, when we’re focused on solving a problem, we are motivated to do so because we are trying to move away from something we don’t want.  To see the the fallacy in that approach, check out the 6/18 DG.  On the other hand, we are motivated to create when we are trying to move toward a desired end.

Second, it’s the problem that is driving our actions–not the desired future.  That is unquestionably based on focusing on what we don’t want.  How many times have we beat on that horse?  Remember, what you focus on, grows.

Third, and I love this, if we are successful in driving away what we don’t want, there is no guarantee that we will correspondingly replace it with what we do want.  Recall the amazing fact that most people can’t begin to tell you what they do want…they can only tell you what they don’t want.  It was that great American philosopher, Yogi Berrra, who said, “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”

Finally, Fritz says, “problem solving can lead to mindlessness.”  Now I’ve been accused of many things, but it’s been a few days since anyone accused me of being mindless.  Seriously, if you spend your life reacting to circumstances, you might as well be mindless.  If you had half a mind, why not focus it on what you do want and apply that thinking and creativity toward achieving your desired future.  I believe all would agree that such a strategy would be far more gratifying than spending your life solving problems.

There is absolutely a time and a place where it is appropriate to solve problems.  “But that place should be an exception to the norm.”

Prayer Power
Lord, as I reflect on this idea of being a creator rather than a problem solver, I see that it is much more in line with being made in Your image that we utilize our gifts and abilities to create.  Guide us as we redeem the time that we’ve all spent focusing on the work of the enemy rather than on the work of The Creator.

Link of the Day
Robert Fritz on The Problem

Blessings to you as you begin to make this fundamental shift away from focusing on your problems.
 

“A positive argument is as weak as a negative argument, and we need something more substantial than action that runs off our emotions, good, bad, or indifferent.”  Robert Fritz

Are you motivated to action more by fear of what you don’t want or by the promise of what you do want?

Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, that you and your descendants might live!  (Deut. 30:19; NLT)

The last couple of DGs (6/18 and 6/20) have centered around setting a properly stated goal that motivates you and then taking appropriate actions steps to move you toward that desired future from your current reality.  Inspiration for those thoughts and for today’s DG come from an excellent book I’m currently reading entitled Your Life as Art by Robert Fritz. 

Today, I’d like to key in on that word “motivates.”  There are a couple of commonly used techniques to motivate us to do things we wouldn’t ordinarily want to do–one is with a threat of punishment or negative consequences (the “stick”), and the other is with the promise of a reward or a positive outcome (the “carrot”).  Various schools of thought prefer one over the other, but Fritz explains why neither work very well for very long.

Let’s start with the stick.  Led by a vision of a very undesirable outcome, we are motivated to take action we would probably not otherwise take in order to head off that particular outcome.  Doing that action makes us feel a little better because we were pro-active in heading off the terrible outcome.  Now that we feel better, will we continue that defensive action long enough to truly make a difference?  Well, we might for a while, but each time we take that action, we feel a little less threatened by the threat and eventually, the unpleasantness of the defensive action becomes greater than the threat of the outcome that motivated us to action in the first place.  So over time, the threat ceases to motivate.

The carrot, on the other hand, is equally unreliable as a long-term motivator.  The carrot relies on the inspiration that comes from thinking about all the great things that will happen to us if we will just consistently take that action that we would probably not otherwise take.  The problem with this is that inspiration is fickle–sometimes it’s there in great measure and sometimes it’s missing in action.  On those MIA days, it’s often easier to just not do what we need to keep doing to get the carrot.  And to make it worse, inspiration-driven action reduces the inspiration over time just as the fear-driven action associated with the stick gradually reduces the fear.

According to Fritz, the way out of this dilemma is to learn to “think hierarchically.”  That simply means to recognize what’s more important to us and what’s less important.  If the positive outcome we desire is more important than the discomfort of the actions we would rather not perform, then we will be motivated to do those actions anyway.  All this points to the need to carefully determine and define your desired future or your goal.  When chosen with care, the goal will provide all the motivation necessary to cause the consistent action necessary for success.  That’s one of the reasons why adopting someone else’s goal for you is so dangerous.  Chances are that the motivation to “push through” will dissipate over time.

Prayer Power
Lord, give us the grace to be able to accurately define and articulate those things that are truly most important to us.  Help us to recognize and break free from goals others have established for us.

Link of the Day
Robert Fritz on Change

Blessings on you as you dig deep to get at your most significant desires.
 

What are you trying to create in your life?

He is able to create beautiful objects from gold, silver, and bronze.  (Exodus 35:32; NLT)

A couple of days ago (6/18 DG), I wrote about the importance of stating a goal, or describing something you desire to create, in terms of what you want instead of what you don’t want.  In other words, the goal should not be a statement of what you’re wanting to move away from–it should be a statement of what you want to move to.  I also made the statement that it is important to be able to articulate specifically what you want to move away from, but just not as part of the goal statement.  Allow me explain myself.

Sharon and I are studying a new structure that we’re learning in the context of our wellness business.  We’re excited to realize that it’s not only applicable to that business, but to our coaching business, and to almost any other area of our lives where we want to move from our current reality to a desired future.  The process is called the creative process and has been developed over the course of several years by Robert Fritz, widely recognized as an expert in the area of structural dynamics.

It’s an incredibly powerful proces while amazingly simple at the same time.  You start by stating your goal or desired future.  And of course, that’s what we’ve been talking about up until now.  It must be a goal stated in terms of what you want, not what you don’t want anymore.  I won’t go into it here, but a goal should be a SMART goal to be effective (SMART = Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time specific).  With me so far?

Next, you need to articulate the current reality, or where you are now.  I believe you can see the necessity for this–for example, if your goal is to go to Chicago, it would be helpful to know whether you’re in Virginia Beach or in Los Angeles.  Otherwise you’re feet might get pretty wet.  It’s in this step of articulating current reality that it’s entirely appropriate to state what you want to move away from.  In actual point of fact, the more dissatisfied you are with your current reality, the more power (Fritz calls it “structural tension”) you will have to move toward your goal.  So there is an actual advantage in making what you don’t want sound as unlikable as you can while still being truthful about it.

Then finally, the last step in the creative process is to define a few action steps (along with dates) that will move you toward where you want to be.  They don’t have to be big, gargantuan steps…they could be quite simple and small steps.  An amazing fact is that, over time, the even the smallest of steps will add up to that big gargantuan step.  If you ‘re not too sure about what steps to take, follow the Nike commercials, “Just Do It!”  Just do something…anything.  Action is the magic key to goal attainment.  Of course the action has got to be moving you in the right direction. 

And that’s the beauty of the creative process.  What if you find your action steps have been taking you in the wrong direction?  Simply stop doing those action items and replace them with ones that are going in the right direction.  No failure!  No condemnation!  It’s just a learning process.  It’s growth!  You’ve learned that what you were doing is going in the wrong direction.  Just make the change.  No big deal.  Isn’t that simple?  And empowering?  All you need to add is a little support in the form of accountability and you’re off and running toward fulfillment of another goal.  Hallelujah!!!

Prayer Power
Father God, help us to see that since we were formed in Your image, that we were designed to create.  Encourage our hearts to step out and utilize that God-given capability.

Link of the Day
Robert Fritz on Structural Tension

Blessings on you as you begin to see yourself as responsible for creating your current reality.
 

“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”  Lao-Tzu

Where will you be one year from today if you do not change your direction?

And now, dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.  (Phil. 4:8; NLT)

What life goals are you pursuing?  Are you wanting to shed some pounds, or perhaps wanting to lower your blood pressure, or just have fewer and fewer headaches?  Or, are you simply wanting to attain good health?  Can you see a difference?

Look at another major area of challenge for many folks–finances.  What financial goals are you going after?  Are you wanting to get out from under all these bills that seem to come in so frequently, or are you wanting to reduce your large mortgage or monthly car payment?  Or are you simply wanting to achieve financial freedom–whatever definition you put on that term?  Can you see the difference?

Yes, the differences are subtle.  They are small.  To some they may seem trivial, largely semantical, and maybe even nonsensical.  But I would like to propose that the differences are huge and will have a major impact on whether or not you ever attain your goal.

You see in one case they are stated as what you are running from, trying to avoid, unsatisfied with, etc.  In essence, they are stated from a rather negative point-of-view.  On the other hand, the other goals are stated in a more positive manner, i.e., what it is that you are running toward, wanting to bring into reality. 

Did you know that most people can’t answer the simple question, “What do you want in life?”  They can easily tell you what they don’t want, but can’t begin to tell you what they do want.  Their response to the question will always be stated in terms of what they don’t want.  Isn’t that sad?  Where is their focus?  Obviously, it’s on what they’re dissatisfied with.  We’ve talked before about how what you focus on multiplies and grows.  Are you beginning to see the problem here?

When defining a goal, you want the focus to be on where you want to be rather than on where you are.  Don’t misunderstand me, both are important, and in one of the upcoming DG’s we’ll talk more about the importance of really getting a handle on where you currently are.  But for the goal articulation step, the focus should always be on what it is that you are wanting to see.

Prayer Power
Lord, help us see that how we say something can be even more important than what we say.  Sometimes our rational minds just can’t grasp that something so insignificant as how we say something can possibly have any bearing on the outcome.  Give us the grace to recognize that we don’t have all the answers just yet, and begin to accept the reality that our subconscious mind is orders of magnitude more important in our daily lives than is our conscious mind.

Link of the Day
Personal Goal Setting

Blessings on you as you rephrase some of your goals in terms of what you want rather than what you don’t want.
 

“To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells that you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive.”  Robert Louis Stevenson

What are some of the things you are most passionate about?

Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.  (Jer. 1:5; KJV)

At selected times over the last two weeks, Dr. Randy Peck and I conducted a webinar entitled “UNCOMMON Journaling for Breakthroughs.”  We’ve done the webinar four times now, as a means of promoting our upcoming 5-week, 35-day on-line course in journaling with a special emphasis on understanding your life purpose or destiny. 

The course is being offered twice each week, Tuesday evening and Wednesday noon, for the next five weeks starting this week.  If you were unable to catch one of the webinars that we offered, one was recorded and is available in its entirety at Webinar Replay.

For those of you who saw the webinar and want to enroll in our class, that same page gives you a great overview of the course details and provides a registration form.  Note that you can procrastinate registering all the way up to five hours before the first course begins.  (How’s that for enabling bad habits?)  To see the overview and/or to register simply go to Overview and Registration.

In the meantime, to get additional understanding and encouragement regarding the Life Purpose component of the course, be sure to read the very short article in today’s Link of the Day.  See ya in class!!!

Prayer Power
Lord, grant us the wisdom and insight to understand the assignment for which we were created.  How tragic to go through life and have to confess that we didn’t even know  what that assignment was (or that we even had one).  You’ve given us a lifetime of clues…help us to see that it’s not too late to uncover and begin to act upon that life call.

Link of the Day
Don’t Sell Out to Fit In

Blessings on you as you step out this week in “alignment with your assignment.”