“Sow a thought, and you reap an act; Sow an act, and you reap a habit; Sow a habit, and you reap a character; Sow a character, and you reap a destiny”  Charles Reade

Who do you feel is to blame for the rapidly escalating price of gas?

You will always reap what you sow!  (Gal. 6:7c; NLT)

How ridiculous would it be if a farmer who wanted to grow a field of corn to sell at his road side stand, planted wheat instead of corn.  Frankly, we would have little sympathy for any ranting and raving the farmer might do because he wanted a field of corn and got wheat instead.  He could pull out the “victim card” and say he was sold the wrong seeds, or that somebody dug up his corn and replaced it with wheat, or that God must be angry with him for some reason, and so on through a seemingly infinite number of blame shifting strategies.  Bottom line, the farmer planted the wrong seeds and will never move forward if he can’t accept the responsibility for what he planted.

The farmer example is easy to see, but it seems that the same logic applies to us when we complain about habits we have or about our lot in life.  Looking at today’s quote, whatever destiny we seem to be headed for, whatever character traits we seem to have, whatever habits we have, whatever behavior we consistently exhibit, all starts with the seeds, i.e., thoughts, that we plant.  We can’t legitimately blame it on our parents, we can’t legitimately blame it on the economy, we can’t legitimately blame it on our environment, etc.  The responsibility lies wholly with us as we alone are responsible for the seeds we plant–the thoughts we nurture and entertain.

For example, let’s take a habit that we know is not serving us.  Perhaps, it’s a habit that we have struggled with for years.  We have done all we know how to do to break that habit.  We’ve taken pills, bought patches, joined accountability groups, hired coaches, and on and on, but the habit persists.  Isn’t that kind of like the farmer trying everything he can think of to turn those emerging wheat plants into corn?  The habit will never change until we take control of the thoughts that are germinating into that habit.  Aren’t we focused on the wrong thing if we are giving all our attention to the habit?  Or the character?  Or the destiny?  Nothing will ever change until we’re willing and able to assume responsibility for what’s happening to us.

Today’s link comes from a periodic email that I receive from John G. Miller, author of QBQ: The Question Behind the Question and Flipping the Switch.  His newsletter challenges us to stop blaming the economy for what’s happening and accept the responsibility that the economy is only a reflection of our actions–which of course, came from our thinking.  Kinda makes one wonder…is the economic slowdown we’re experiencing real, or an inevitable result of the fear being fueled by the pundits.  Should the same questions be asked regarding many of the other volatile issues of our day, e.g., global warming, et al.?

Prayer Power
Lord, help us to see how important our thoughts are.  Help us to see that we are responsible for much of what we complain about.  Give us the grace to take responsibility for those thoughts that we entertain and allow to grow into acts, habits, character, and ultimately destiny.

Link of the Day
Tough Economy?  Maybe It’s Us.

Blessings on you as you examine the seeds you’re planting.
 

“Germs don’t fly; they hitchhike.”  Dr. Kenneth Seaton

How often are you washing your hands?

they shall wash their hands and feet so that they will not die. (Ex. 30:21a; NIV)

Now today’s topic may seem a bit personal to some folks.  However, it really is a concern for all of us, and this simple act that will go a long way in preventing us from becoming ill with communicable diseases.  After using the bathroom, do you wash your hands?  (Don’t tell me if you don’t!) Hopefully you’ll change your mind after reading this. 

As a nurse, hand washing was highly emphasized and the habit has stayed with me.  However, there is a great deal more to this subject than I was taught in nursing school.  Dr. Jordan Rubin travels extensively.  He is shocked and says that it is absolutely brutal how many millions of people fail to wash their hands after using the bathroom.  He states, “They blithely leave the restroom and spread their germs on an unsuspecting public.”  Nice thought, huh? He actually quotes studies done to reveal fairly high percentages of people who use public restrooms and never walk up to the sink after using the toilet.

Dr. Rubin states, “The hands are one of the five main areas where germs enter the body-the other four being the eyes, ears, nose, and mouth.  Germs prefer to hitchhike (on the hands and under the fingernails) rather than fly through the air.  Once germs are established on your hands and fingertips, it is only a matter of time before you rub your eyes, scratch your nose, stroke your ears, or touch your mouth-letting the germs in those portals of entry.”

Watch your spouse sometime and see how often they touch their face.  Another place we pick-up “critters” are from shopping carts.   A report in the Tallahassee Democrat stated that shopping carts carry 1.4 million bacteria per square inch, which is 1000 times more than on a toilet seat!

A few of the most critical times to wash your hands are:
–After going to the bathroom
–Before and after food preparation
–Before eating
–After sneezing, coughing, or blowing your nose
–After changing a diaper
–After shaking hands with a large number of people
–After shopping

I’ll go over various types of soaps and cleaners in another Daily Gram.  But remember that a few seconds spent washing your hands could save you hours or even days of discomfort, or even a trip to the doctor’s office.

Prayer Power
Father thank You for Your word that teaches us about hygiene and how to care for our bodies.  May we honor You in all we say and do.

Link of the Day
Keeping the Flu Out of Your Home is in Your Hands

Blessings on you as you begin to recognize the importance of hand washing
 

“Good coaches teach respect for the opposition, love of competition, the value of trying your best, and how to win and lose graciously.”   Brooks Clark

If you were playing in a team sporting event and there arose a situation wherein one of the opposing players suffered an injury, and only you could help, would you?  What if you knew that if you helped, your team would lose the game?  Would you help?

The greatest among you must be a servant.  (Matt. 23:11; NLT)

A week and a half ago, I wrote about a marriage conference that Sharon and I had attended over the weekend.  If you will recall (5/19 DG), the conference was a video version of Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ now famous Love and Respect Marriage Conference.  In my summary, I wrote, “Eggerichs’ basic premise is that men and women were “wired” to have different basic (or deepest) needs.  Women are wired to need love and men are wired to need respect.  Of course, the key verse describing this different need is Ephesians 5:33 where Paul commands every man to love his wife and then goes on to command every woman to respect her husband.  This is not to say that a woman doesn’t need respect nor that a man doesn’t need love, but we’re talking about deepest or motivating need here.”  Sorry for the review, but I recognize that not everyone reads the DG every day like we do.  )  But one of Eggerichs’ foundational notions is that men and women are wired very differently. 

I just received a link earlier today to a Youtube video that brought Eggerichs’ basic idea roaring back to my head in a major way.  The video (today’s link) is how a couple of opposing players helped a player touch all the bases after hitting a home run in a softball game.  (That sentence will make a lot more sense after you watch the video.)  The story is incredibly poignant and will most likely bring a tear to your eye. 

What the two girls did was an incredible act of honor and integrity.  Note also that for performing that act, they lost the game.  My question for the day to you  is…could this even have happened if it involved two opposing teams of young men?  Would the “need for respect” that is wired into the male at birth make it virtually impossible for them to have performed this act of kindness and self-sacrifice?  And then as an extra point bonus question for the Christians among our readership, WWJD?

I’d love to hear from you on this.  Just leave a comment below.

Prayer Power
Lord, we thank You for examples of sportsmanship like we see as we watch this video.  Unfortunately, we just don’t seem to see enough of them anymore.

Link of the Day
Great sportsmanship in college softball game

Blessings on you as you ponder the meaning of sportsmanship over the next couple of days.
 

“Money talks.  Chocolate sings.”  Unknown

What is your relationship with “chocolate?”

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. (Ps 34:8 NIV)

This is the last day for smoothie recipes for a while, so I thought I’d be indulgent with this recipe.  Now, I’m not advocating drinking a chocolate smoothie for breakfast, although this smoothie may well be healthier than what many folks normally eat for breakfast.  Think of this as a treat or dessert smoothie. 

Almonds and cherries are actually from the same food family and taste great when combined.  And most of us would agree that chocolate goes well with many foods!  So, I’ve combined these flavors to make a healthy, yet yummy treat.

I use organic cocoa powder.  According to www.rawguru.com, organic cocoa powder is made by cold pressing high quality organic raw cacao beans into a dark brown paste called chocolate liquor. The paste is cold pressed at 112 degrees F to separate out its fat (cacoa butter). What remains is a “cake” that is then cold milled to become organic, unsweetened cocoa powder.  This has the highest level of cocoa flavonols because it’s the least processed. Also, because the fat has been removed and it contains no extra ingredients such as sugar, it’s the healthiest form of chocolate you can find.

No doubt you’ve read and heard that research now indicates certain health benefits in dark chocolate.  Dark chocolate is now considered a “superfood” due to the high content of polyphenols and phytonutrients which have potent antioxidant properties.

If you’re not familiar with almond butter, you’re in for a real treat.  We’ve used almond butter for years instead of peanut butter.  Peanuts are actually a legume (bean) instead of a nut, making them harder to digest.  They are also one of the most pesticide-contaminated crops.  Peanuts are also frequently contaminated with a carcinogenic mold called aflatoxin.   So, if you eat peanut butter, my suggestion is to buy an organic brand.  Almond butter is found along with peanut and other nut butters in the grocery store.

Frozen dark sweet cherries are also included in the recipe.  They’re not as abundant as other fruit but they are well worth the effort when you can find them.  Other frozen fruit such as raspberries or strawberries can be used as well.  Enjoy!

Prayer Power
Father, we thank You that You delight in our happiness.  We thank You that you have provided many healthy, yet special “treat” foods for us to eat and enjoy.

Link of the Day
Chocolate Cherry Almond Smoothie

Blessings on you as you enjoy a healthy chocolate treat!
 

“No words are adequate to console those who have lost a loved one serving our nation. We can only offer our prayers and join in their grief. We grieve for the mother who hears the sound of her child’s 21-gun salute. We grieve for the husband or wife who receives a folded flag. We grieve for a young son or daughter who only knows Dad from a photograph.”  President George W. Bush

What are your plans for celebrating Memorial Day 2008?

We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future, your children will ask,”What do these stones mean to you?”  (Joshua 4:1; NLT)

The calendar has sure been playing tricks on us this year.  First, the earliest Easter any of us will ever see for the rest of our lives, and now Memorial Day seems to be happening a week early.

In case you’re wondering, Easter is always the first Sunday after the first full moon after the Spring Equinox (March 20).  According to www.snopes.com, “Easter moves around from year to year in order to preserve its relationship to the astronomical phenomena (i.e., the season of the year and the phase of the moon) that would have occurred at the time of the resurrection (traditionally reckoned as having taken place in 30 A.D.)….  The earliest calendar date on which Easter can fall is March 22, and the latest date is April 25.  The 2008 occurrence was March 23.  The last time Easter fell on so early a date was 1913, and the next time it will do so will be in the year 2160.”

The traditional date for Memorial Day is May 30 (next Friday), but because Congress made the day into a three-day weekend with the National Holiday Act of 1971, it is now observed on the last Monday of May (today).  So I hope you got your hot dogs and hamburgers all ready to go a little early this year for the traditional start of the summer season.

Here are a few tidbits of trivia from the official www.usmemorialday.org site:
–Memorial Day, originally called Decoration Day, is a day of remembrance for those who have died in our nation’s service.
–Memorial Day is not about division. It is about reconciliation; it is about coming together to honor those who gave their all.
–Memorial Day was officially proclaimed on 5 May 1868 by General John Logan, national commander of the Grand Army of the Republic.
–The first state to officially recognize the holiday was New York in 1873.  While Waterloo N.Y. was officially declared the birthplace of Memorial Day by President Lyndon Johnson in May 1966, it’s difficult to prove conclusively the origins of the day.
–In 1915, Moina Michael conceived of an idea to wear red poppies on Memorial day in honor of those who died serving the nation during war. She was the first to wear one, and sold poppies to her friends and co-workers with the money going to benefit servicemen in need.  Shortly before Memorial Day in 1922 the VFW became the first veterans’ organization to nationally sell poppies.
–Memorial Day used to be a solemn day of mourning, a sacred day of remembrance to honor those who paid the ultimate price for our freedoms. Businesses closed for the day. Towns held parades honoring the fallen, the parade routes often times ending at a local cemetery, where Memorial Day speeches were given and prayers offered up. People took the time that day to clean and decorate with flowers and flags the graves of those the fell in service to their country.
–Traditional observance of Memorial day has diminished over the years. Many Americans nowadays have forgotten the meaning and traditions of Memorial Day. At many cemeteries, the graves of the fallen are increasingly ignored, neglected. Most people no longer remember the proper flag etiquette for the day. While there are towns and cities that still hold Memorial Day parades, many have not held a parade in decades. Some people think the day is for honoring any and all dead, and not just those fallen in service to our country.

Now, as so accurately reported by Wikipedia, Memorial Day is used as a time for picnics, barbecues, family gatherings, and sporting events. One of the longest standing traditions is the running of the Indianapolis 500, which has been held in conjunction with Memorial Day since 1911. Some Americans also view Memorial Day as the unofficial beginning of Summer and Labor Day as the unofficial end of the season.

Prayer Power
Lord, may we remember those who died in the service of our country to preserve our freedoms.  Let us not be so caught up in our holiday activities or political activism that fail to honor those who “gave their all.”

Link of the Day
Memorial Day Song

Blessings on you as you honor President Bush’s request to pay tribute to veterans by pausing on Memorial Day for “a moment of remembrance,” at 3 p.m. local time.
 

“No. Try not. Do… or do not. There is no try.”  Yoda (in Star Wars: Episode V)

What do you suppose would be the outcome if you never tried to do anything again?

“They will try, but they will fail. For I am with you, and I will take care of you. I, the LORD, have spoken!”  (Jer. 1:19; NLT)

About a month ago an acquaintance of mine sent me a great article about the futility of trying.  So, I’m going to “try” to share some of that thinking with you in today’s DG.  Notice how easy it is to say, “I’m going to try to…?”  Why do we keep doing that?  (Myself included!)  Are you aware that you are actually programming yourself to fail when you say you’re going to try to do something?

The author of the article my friend sent is a coach by the name of Richard Flint.  As I do a little research, I see that Flint is not only a coach, but that he also lives in the Hampton Roads region of Virginia.  That makes us neighbors.  Unfortunately, I’ve never met him.  But with regards to this issue of trying, Flint writes, “The behavior of trying is based on the negative side of fear. This means you have to work through the negative emotions you have about the situation in order to get to the positive. For most people, that is too exhausting. So what do they do? They begin with the thought, ‘I’ll try,’ then run into the challenging part of the journey and walk away.”

I personally find that fascinating…and frightening.  Flint goes on to say, “You see, the behavior of trying has an escape clause built into it. It says that if things get too tough, I can say I’ve tried and use that as the justification for not finishing what I started. How many have you known who have done that? Daily, I watch people who have bought into this behavior of trying and use it as the reason they don’t complete what they begin….Trying is not positive effort. It is energy given that is filled with doubt and skepticism. The message is simple — stop trying and start taking positive action!”

The anecdote to try?  Simply decide to do!  It’s all about commitment.  Which approach has a higher probability of success: a) to try to do something, which programs negativity and failure into your subconscious, or b) to commit to do something, which programs success into your subconscious?  If you commit to do something, and then you run into obstacles, you’re far more likely to keep going and find ways around those obstacles than if you did not have a commitment to do it.

As the author of today’s link admonishes, “Commit fully — or don’t bother. If you do not commit fully you are kidding yourself. You are pretending to yourself that you are going to give something your best shot whereas in fact you are going into it prepared to fail and with your failure alibi ready in advance.  When you commit fully you are arming yourself with a belief that you will succeed — do this and you’re half-way there before you even begin.”

Are you beginning to see what a dangerous word “try” is?  We all would do well to do whatever we can to banish it from our vocabulary.  Even if you committed to do something and ultimately failed, you would be far better off than if you said you would try to do it and gave up after running into a bump or two in the road.  After all, all roads have bumps in them.  Bumps build muscles and character, and are what separate the winners from the losers.

Prayer Power
Lord, so often we don’t recognize the subtle, self-sabotaging actions we take against ourselves.  We ask that you would increase our sensitivity and awareness of these little self-imposed traps.  Then give us the grace to purposefully step around them.

Link of the Day
Don’t try — just do it

Blessings on you as you commit to take action on one of your goals this weekend.
 

“My ongoing prayer for you as my client will be that God will clearly define for you the path you are to take and that every day and every decision will be in partnership with Him.”  Sandee Strunk

What one thing could you do to take better care of your health, starting today?

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.  (Romans 8:28; KJV)

As our dear friend and Internet specialist, Dr. Randy Peck frequently says, people like to read short stories of success and transformed lives.  Another quip I’ve heard from a successful entrepreneur is “Facts tell, stories sell.”  Not that I’m selling anything here other than hope and encouragement for your daily lives.  This is another story of healing and hope. 

I had heard Sandee’s name mentioned several years ago in conjunction with the coach training organization that Jerry and I are a part of.  I knew she had a successful counseling practice and had recently moved to the DC area.  We first met at a dinner where several other coaches were in attendance.  Sandee was warm and approachable.  However, I could tell that she didn’t feel well.

Sandee recently shared with me that several people had mentioned my name to her along with telling her some of my story.  It was also suggested that she contact me.  Several months after that dinner meeting Sandee did contact me.  I learned that although she had been a successful business owner, Christian counselor, and busy wife and mother, she had also struggled with health challenges for a number of years.

Although Sandee has a solid foundation in nutrition and wellness, she wasn’t able to cross her current hurdle.  Allergy symptoms had reared their head with a vengeance bringing with them severe fatigue, malaise, and “foggy” thinking.  At one point in her quest for regaining her health, she was forced to close her busy and successful counseling  practice.

I was able to come along side Sandee and offer resources, books, websites, and other little tidbits that had helped me to regain my health.  She made some dietary shifts and also began a solid nutritional supplement regimen.  Like me, her recovery took some time.  However, she’s now gone many months without getting a sinus infection, which is a great improvement from before.  She has stamina and energy to be a successful coach and writer.  She has an e-commerce business along with a wellness and nutritional business.  Since she has a passion for writing, she loves coaching others who have a book inside them that needs written.  Gone are the days of dragging herself from one room to the other and not being able to continue with a stream of thought.  She’s also able to exercise and has been able to lose weight and become more fit.  Oh, a 30 pound weight loss I might add!

What a joy and privilege it has been to walk alongside this “success story!”  Sandee has also become a dear friend.  Way to go girl!

Prayer Power
Father, we thank You for Sandee and the many lives she touches each day.  Bless her business in a rich and abundant way.

Link of the Day
Living Waters Coach

Blessings on you as you seek to find answers to becoming as healthy as you can be.
 

“We don’t lack the ability–we just lack incentive.”  Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.

What emotions do you feel after a conflict with your spouse?

Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.  Remember that the Lord will reward each one of us for the good we do, whether we are slaves or free.  (Eph. 6:7,8; NLT)

This is more from the awesome Love and Respect Marriage Conference that Sharon and I attended last weekend.  If you’ll recall, I introduced this topic a couple of days ago by describing the destructive “Crazy Cycle’ as defined by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs in his now world-famous conference.  In a nutshell, the “crazy cycle” occurs when the wife feels unloved, and she reacts in very disrespectful ways, and when the husband feels disrespected, he reacts in very unloving ways.  Each choice to react in this very natural way violates the basic fundamental need of the spouse. 

In the Energizing Cycle, Eggerichs explains that in the midst of the crazy cycle, the husband could choose to offer to love his wife unconditionally, or the wife could choose to offer her husband unconditional respect.  Either one of those “irrational” choices (irrational in the eyes of the world) starts a whole new cycle which Eggerichs calls The Energizing Cycle.  Basically, his love motivates her respect and her respect motivates his love.  It comes down to putting the other’s needs ahead of your own.  Sometimes pretty hard to remember do in the heat of battle.

It is during this portion of the conference that Eggerichs’ wife, Sarah, offers some very practical advice for husbands in loving their wives and similarly, some very practical advice for wives in how to show respect for their husbands.  For instance, husbands need to verbally support and honor their wife in front of the children.  He should speak only positive things about his wife before family and friends.  She, on the other hand, could show respect by simply encouraging her husband to talk about his dreams and doing recreational activities with him or at least watching him do them.  It struck me that most all of the suggestions she was making were things that both parties did naturally and eagerly while they were courting each other.

In the final segment of the conference, Eggerichs describes The Rewarded Cycle.  Here he makes the point that there are significant rewards when the husband offers his love regardless of her respect and significant rewards for the wife when she offers her respect regardless of his love.  Here he begins to speak of the basic character of each party as he asserts that one spouse does not cause the other spouse to be the way they are, but rather simply reveals the way they really are.  Ouch!!!  Eggerichs suggests that God’s design for marriage was not just for companionship and procreation, but also as a test and tool to mold one’s inner character. 

Once again, if you have never attended a Love & Respect conference, I can’t urge you enough to make plans to attend.  If you can’t find one going on near you, there is a book on the topic, and/or CDs and DVDs of the conference itself.  This is some pretty basic stuff that all would be better for knowing.

Prayer Power
Lord, we ask You to put love and respect in our hearts when we are feeling unloved and disrespected.  Help us to see that the key to a fulfilled marriage is putting the other’s needs ahead of our own.

Link of the Day
Love and Respece e-store

Blessings on you as you allow your marriage to bring out the best in you instead of bringing out your worst.
 

“When you’re short on time, smoothies make a fast and energizing breakfast.”  Jennifer Cornbleet

How can you get more greens in your everyday diet?

And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground–everything that has the breath of life in it–I give every green plant for food (Gen. 1:30; NIV)

I’m curious if you’ve been trying and enjoying the smoothie recipes this month?  Even though the basic ingredients of a smoothie combines fruit, liquid, sweetener, and something to make it thick and frosty, there are many variations and flavors for creating a healthful, satisfying, and yummy smoothie.

I mentioned before that I used to use various protein powders, green powders, and other added fiber products to our smoothies.  A few years ago, I began experimenting with making our smoothies from all food and I stopped adding extra powders or drink mixes.  Since I’m always looking for ways to get more greens into our diet, I began adding organic, baby spinach to our smoothies.  NOW, don’t stop reading or turn up your nose.  Trust me when I say that the spinach does not alter the taste of the smoothie.

Depending on the fruits and liquid used, the color may be altered  but the flavor of the fruits always come through and we’ve never tasted the spinach.  Today’s recipe calls for about a handful or one cup of spinach.  I did that for beginners.  I usually put about two handfuls of spinach in the smoothie and it never alters the taste.  I’ve also used organic spring mix and parsley in the fruit smoothies, again to get more greens into our diets.

Spinach is such a rich source of phytonutrients such as beta-carotene, lutein, and zeaxanthin, all providing healthy antioxidant protection for our precious little cell structures.  (Remember, healthy cells = healthy bodies!)  There are several varieties of spinach.  The larger leaves are nice for salads.  I buy large bags of organic baby spinach for the smoothies.  It’s already washed and the baby leaves seem more tender than the larger leaf spinach.  I also recommend buying organic spinach, as the pesticide residues usually test high in commercially grown spinach.

Any frozen fruit can be used in smoothies to make them thick and slushy.  I mainly use frozen strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and pineapple.  Frozen cherries are nice but usually not as plentiful as frozen berries.  I also add fresh fruit such as an apple, orange, or pear for more fiber in the smoothie.  Experiment with your favorite flavors and let me know some of your favorites.

Prayer Power
Father, thank you for your abundance.  May we never take your goodness for granted Lord!

Link of the Day
Raspberry Yogurt Smoothie

Blessings on you as you experiment with getting more greens into your diet.
 

“Our culture teaches that respect must be earned whereas love is to be unconditional.”  Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.

What was accomplished by the sharply worded conflict you had with your spouse?

So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.  (Eph. 5:33; NLT)

Sharon and I attended a dynamite marriage conference over the weekend.  Our church hosted a video version of Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ now famous Love and Respect Marriage Conference.  I don’t know what rock we’ve been living under, but I was amazed to learn that this conference will be nine years old this August.  Yes, we had heard of it a couple of times, but had no idea what a powerful experience it was.

Eggerichs’ basic premise is that men and women were “wired” to have different basic (or deepest) needs.  Women are wired to need love and men are wired to need respect.  Of course, the key verse describing this different need is Eph. 5:33 where Paul commands every man to love his wife and then goes on to command every woman to respect her husband.  This is not to say that a woman doesn’t need respect nor that a man doesn’t need love, but we’re talking about deepest or motivating need here.

It’s interesting to note that while Paul commands the husband to love his wife, it never tells him to respect his wife…because since respect is embedded deep within his nature, such a command would be redundant.  Similarly, the wife is never commanded to love her husband because love is a part of her nature.  (Note: lest I get rapped by some Bible scholars out there, Titus 2:4 speaks of phileo love rather than agape love.  Not the same thing.)

It’s curious to note that we live in a love-dominated society, so the love side of this equation tends to get all the press.  To further tip the scales away from balance, there are those who misinterpret the word “respect” to mean that the husband is superior over his wife.  When properly interpreted by letting the whole Bible interpret a verse, it is clear that in the eyes of God a husband and wife are equal.  Respect isn’t about equality–it’s about esteem or admiration.  Now it can’t be denied that there are times when a husband doesn’t deserve respect, or esteem, or admiration, but the Bible is clear that the way to win a such a husband is through respectful behavior.  And who can deny that there are times when a wife doesn’t deserve love, but the Bible doesn’t make any exceptions in its command for the husband to love his wife.

This whole lack of understanding regarding the two different needs (neither wrong, just different) leads to what Eggerichs has labeled “The Crazy Cycle.”  In a nutshell (no pun intended), when the wife feels unloved, she reacts in very disrespectful ways, and when the husband feels disrespected, he reacts in very unloving ways.  Round and round it goes–crazy!  Either side could break the cycle by simply choosing to exhibit unconditional love or unconditional respect.  But since people don’t generally understand that there is a difference in deepest needs, it’s not as simple as making the right choice.  After all, you cannot choose something that you don’t know about.

If you have never attended a Love & Respect conference, I can’t urge you enough to make plans to attend.  If you can’t find one going on near you, there is a book on the topic, and/or CDs and DVDs of the conference itself.  This is some pretty basic stuff that all would be better for knowing.  Sure glad we finally made it to one of the conferences…better late than never.

Prayer Power
Lord, we thank You for the blessing of matrimony.  Please forgive us for those many times we’ve been unloving and disrespectful.  Give us the grace to better understand our spouse’s fundamental needs and then to have the desire to meet those needs.

Link of the Day
Love and Respect 

Blessings on you as you purpose to watch for The Crazy Cycle in your home and choose to break it by not reacting to the provocation.